Well Winter quarter just ended and its time for things to start anew! I finished up all my classes and feel pretty good about them! I feel like i ended this quarter better than any other quarter of my college career. what a relief!
I am finally starting to feel like i have found a unique voice in my art making. In my 3 other years of college, i have made lots and lots of art, but it never felt like i had consistency between one piece and the next. All of a sudden this quarter, i really recognized my own style. I had already figured out the mediums that i like best within the past couple of years, but just recently, i discovered my voice.
I am starting to see myself truly reflected in my work and its a bit surprising. I see my feminine voice speaking through the things i make and it just makes me so excited! I am learning what i define as "feminine" and am finding so much strength and beauty in it! I am realizing what i love best, and am really learning how to deliver my stories with brighter and better clarity than before. ah! thank God for the beautiful things discovered this quarter!
Looking back on the past 3 months, i can see the ways in which God has been helping me and guiding me.
The most important thing is how he has finally given me guidance through women mentors.
I have been praying for a woman mentor for probably 2 years now. I realized that i have been lacking guidance in that way for... basically my whole life. And it really tore me up coming to that realization. Last year was especially hard for me in that way.
But this quarter i really feel like i have found that guidance i need in 3 different ways.
The first way is through my professor and advisor Laura.
She is around the same age as my parents, and has the same spiritual, intellectual, artistic mind as my dad. It is so encouraging to find a woman to look up to has the same peaceful demeanor that i admire in my dad. It really brings me a lot of peace to finally know that who i am as a contemplative, spiritual and creative person is not just because of my dad. Of courses he influenced who i am today immensely. But i finally believe that all that makes up who i am is 'woman.'
I always have had a hard time being good friends with groups of girls, rather than boys, not because i dont respect other girls, but because well... i just always feel like the most stable and spiritual in a group of girls. its a really strange feeling when girls are always pointing out to me that they think i am so wise. well, i guess its weird when boys say that too all the time. But even though its a really great compliment, its also hard feeling like people put me up on a different level than them sometimes. its just strange i guess.
Its really hard finding girls who trust themselves as much as i trust myself. i really dont want to sound cocky about that, but its sadly true that so many girls these days just lack a lot of respect, strength and hope in themselves. and its disheartening knowing that so many women my age view themselves still as young girls, not as women. there's an overwhelming lack of self assurance in women these days!
anyway...thats why it is so great to have Laura as my advisor, teacher, and somewhat mentor. She is so strong in herself and passionate about all that she knows and seeks to understand.
The second source of mentorship that i have found is through my professor Gala.
It is SO inspiring having her as my professor. I am so sad to know that i wont have her as a professor this quarter. Her work has been so inspiring for me. The way she uses different types of media is just so inspiring and enlightening as to all different types of art making that there are in this world! It is so encouraging watching a confident, kind hearted, joyful and strong woman just live a life that so full of thought, creativity, beauty, and joy in all their forms.
Talking to her a few different times after class just really showed me her willingness to live a vulnerable and sincere life. I can't imagine how hard it must be trying to balance family, teaching, and being a professional artist. She is honest about the difficulties, but is also so sincere in the joy she finds through all the good and the bad. It is SO encouraging being taught by a woman who is leading the sort of life i really hope to live in a couple of years. I feel like if there has ever been a woman who i can look up to as a mentor, while still relate to on a similar level, Gala is that lovely person. what a joy. She is both challenging and so incredibly encouraging as a professor. And her joyful demeanor is something i hope i call my own as well as i grow. Basically... she is just so hip, and super rad. what an inspiration. and she goes to the same church as me. ah, i feel a kindred spirit!
and finally, the third source of mentorship to come will be through Sarah, the director at the camp i will be working at this summer.
I have been praying about working at a camp for years now. I have always felt like i was supposed to, but i had to wait until it was really directed by God, and all the right roads led to the right place. One of the biggest reasons why i applied to be a Peer Advisor (RA) last year was so that i could get a lot of experience in mentoring and leading younger girls. I sort of did it in preparation of being a camp counselor sometime in the future.
I had always planned on being a counselor at this camp called Mount Hermon, in Santa Cruz CA, since i went there all through high school. And i had wanted to work there the summer after being an RA. But once that year came to a close, i was just so mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted that i just needed the summer to recuperate.
Then this year, one of my best friends, Alex, talked to me a bit about this camp called Camp Hammer (which also happens to be in Santa Cruz, CA) which he worked at last summer. I then met with one of the camp directors (Eric) to just talk about the camp and how it all works, and i realized that this was really the place God has been preparing me to work at for a long time. And When Eric started telling me about his wife, Sarah, i realized, oh my goodness! She is exactly the sort of person that i need as a mentor! She is one of the people God has prepared for me to be guided by! God is so good!
When Eric started to explain to me her just overall demeanor, i felt like, wow... she totally sounds like me, and i feel like that is so rare! beyond her personality and her in-tune-ness with spiritual things, she is also Christian and an artist! She also makes clothes and is really interested in Japanese culture! How rare!
And she often has a hard time at camp when girl counselors come and don't want her mentorship. Lucky for the both of us then that I really need and look forward to her mentorship!
God has blessed me SO greatly in mentorship and showing me new outlets of guidance.
I still have so far to go in seeking help from others, because i am so quick to ignore my own needs and just serve beyond what is healthy for me. But this quarter I have developed so much in learning to not serve over my ability to do so. I have learn to take time to myself, allow myself to sink into the ...most of the time... serene person that i know i am... mostly, haha. Serene, but with a whole lot of giddy, silly, quirkiness! I have learned when to give up and when to persevere. I have learned how to find hope in others. And beyond understanding how God uses me to help others, i have learned finally that he uses others to help me a lot too! God is so good!
through little bits and pieces of mentorship and teaching from women on a higher level than me, i have found new ways to humble myself before Him.
What a lovely quarter
New Years Resolutions that have ben integrated through the quarter:
1. reading more books
2. figuring out what i am supposed to do this summer
3. pray for mentorship
4. be more structured. think ahead.
5. be more on time.
6. take more alone time.
7. mediate, center oneself.
8. rock climb a couple times a week.
9. take vitamins and iron capsules every morning.
10. take better care of health.
11. floss more.
YAY!!! so much accomplished!
i have also finally found ways to transition my life into being more a part of the greater seattle community. I love my home in ballard now. I am making friends outside of SPU. I am becoming so much closer with my darling roommates. I feel like a the 21...almost 22 year old woman that i am. I am growing in faith. I am being drawn back to the church i attended a year and a half ago, yay! I am learning how to balance more adult friendships. I am taking relationships more seriously and learning how to invest in everyone i love. I am taking my art as seriously as ever! I am taking my music making much more seriously. even through the natural hardships of life, i seek, and see so much beauty and hope.
God is good.