today the weather reflected my night time mood pretty well.
it rained a little from sky, and from these cloudy eyes.
i can't ever remember tear droplets falling from all four corners of my eyes. perhaps they have been saving this feat for a special kind of cry. one that marks the point of growing up.
today i reconnected with my old lovely church. i stopped going there a year and a half ago because... well half because my original ride stopped going there, and then my second ride ended because of a sad breaking point.
but mr God has been drawing me back progressively these past few months.
1. a realization that no other church i know of in this whole wide world suits me better than this lovely place, at least at this junction in my life.
2. a realization that the intense church i attended for a brief stint was too aggressive for this weak heart of mine.
3. a dear fondness of the incredible music created within this church.
4. a harkening of my heart, calling from the community of like minded people i find gathered in this sacred place.
5. a quite pointing of God from brief connections between a new friend and a new mentor and an old mentor.
these all drove me to put my mind to taking the hour long bus to get there. and then, hark, a lark! miss melissa, roommate of favorite anne, happened to be testing out lovely church for the first time today, so i came with her!
today was a hearty reminder of the natural changes i should be, and am going through in this sprinkling of ideas, formed in teenage clouds, that seep into the growing grass of adulthood.
there are directions that all point to the same need to get serious about my art production right now, and from now on. about my future and my career path(s). there are flares that all light up with the shining need to become very very intentional, one on one, with friends everywhere that i cherish. Patrick is leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when he'll be back again. must send a friendship package with joyful reminders of this particular home he is moving on from.
time to get serious moorea. all the signs are lighting up. its been dark out for awhile, but the lights are finally coming on, illuminating the road you will travel. its still a bit stormy outside, and the clouds and fog sometimes create only dim wanderings of light. then the sky water comes down and makes the lights flicker and shimmer all at once. clear skies will come and go. but patience and cyclical movements will keep things steady through and through.