and my lovely friend emily gave me a ride home after my class at 4:30.
between 4:30 pm and now...2:00 am, i found so many things to be happy and excited about.
i made a list of musicians to look up.
plants and animals
brightblack morning light
...and i found 5 songs that i love.
"apple orchard" by beach house MYSTERIOUS!
"everybody daylight" by brightblack morning light SEXIEST SONG!
"kenya dig it?" by ruby suns HAPPY!
"cold as ice" by atlas sound TRIPPY LA LA!
"pink and sour" by califone YES!!!!
these 5 bands may become favorites of mine very very soon.
they sound like the soundtrack to my brain when i see lots of beautiful things.
i also found a bunch of fine artist/comic artists/illustrators to research:
chris ware... well i need to look more at his stuff, i havent enough
i found some art books to buy:
"cover story" by wax poetic
"things i have learned in my life so far" by stefan sagmeister
i need to look up Nick Hornby's opinions on everything.
i found some short videos that make me smile for some reason:
screen test for joseph gordon-levitt
part of me thinks he is cute.
and part of me wants to laugh at him. with him? no, at him.MGMT = catchy happy dancing/swaying music.
screen test for marion cotillard
most darling lady in the world.
and andrew...the boy on the left, is the most beautiful boy ever with the cutest quite voice. ahh.
i am so ridiculous. its pretty gross that i can so easily pin point my "type" if you will.
well i have the "type" which is the type of boys i am attracted to in an instant. but then the boys i have dated have not fit in to this category ever completely haha. the quality ones have aspects i guess. well, they have all been very creative i would say. quality. quality and full blown "my type blablabla" have yet to completely blend together yet.
i date quality and fall in love with quality. outside appearance does not matter. but i am especially bashful, merely because of image and trippy mindsets, around boys who:
are baby faced, skinny and tall, dark messy haired, quite voiced, spaced out and probably on some form of drug. or think like a pothead.
NO! it should be the other way around!
potheads just sound like really creative people who get tripped out by their own mind's wanderings.
ok edit undo.
my type is, and should be, someone who sounds like a pothead, but reaaally, its just how they think naturally.
i dont date potheads. well...almost all of them have either been potheads before we dated, or have become ones after we broke up. hmm...
maybe here is the root of the problem. or the good source of the bad ending?
i freakin think like a person who is on drugs! and i have never ever done anything! i've never even smoked pot once. not once! i have avoided that at all costs.
and i've reached points of enlightenment all on my own.
i like ethereal things. i like talking about existentialism. i like talking about nature and pretty things and love and joy and peace. i firmly believe that God speaks to me in certain ways, and i think he speaks to everyone if they just listen carefully and are happy with themselves! i like being peaceful and serene. i like moving to my own beat. i dance like a hippy, and i cant help it, its just moving to what i feel!
i grew up in a hippy town. its in my blood. i LOVE animals and protecting nature and precious creatures. i am an artist and a musician. i am creative. i seriously have tripped out mind blowing experiences and highs just from listening to amazing music and looking at lots of inspiring art.
i think in pictures.
seriously. my mind is made up of billions of floating images. some are in 3D. those are the ones that take up the most space obviously.
i say, "you know what i mean?" too much and can't get myself to stop.
i stare at the sky when i am thinking too hard while speaking. i love the taste of organic and hyper healthy foods. i like wearing quirky things, that sometimes mean people comment on in weird ways.
i like to speak in metaphor. i like skipping and climbing trees. my friends always tease me about how spacey i am and my horrible horrible memory.
i cry about anything that i think is beautiful. its ridiculous. i kind of wish i didn't do this because people laugh at me. but thats ok. there are so many beautiful things! i can't help but cry sometimes! i think i cry about something beautiful at least every...3 days? wow. thats kind of ridiculous...oh well.
i cant help being me! and i really like the me that i am! thanks God, you are cool. you make weird weird weiiiiiird people.
i just need to find a man who is naturally as spaced out as me.
strike that. maybe i need my opposite?
bleh no. i need someone who is mostly like me, but maybe has their head a little bit more on the ground. i need a stable little turn-y things that will reel me in when i've flown too high. i need a nail that holds my string to the ground while i float around in the sky with the birds and the clouds. or maybe i need a balloon that is tied to the ground, but i am a balloon that is tied to that balloon. or MAYBE i am the balloon part of a hot air balloon and the man is the basket part, and God is the fire-y part that floats us up and down.
...or maybe i am full of hot air.
whatever. basically, while watching this video, i realized that my mind works just like devendra banhart. it kind of freaks me out. but gives me comfort. but not, because he does acid and probably does everything else. while i do nothing but be myself. but he is probably the same when he's not on drugs. so...? i'm confusing myself.
i never ever ever need to do drugs ever. i completely believe that you can reach all those trippy places in your mind without using any drugs to get there. you just need to be totally at peace with the person that you are and just be.
maybe some people are made to not have ridiculous minds like me.
some people are lucky enough to have amazing memory and to be really stable and in control of their lives. some people are really good at, and enjoy being really structured! some people like regimented ways of living and thinking!
go team structured people! i support you in your linear ways of thinking. you make the world run with such nice order. i would be so wobbly with out you! thanks for keeping me on track.
and sometimes i wish i had some of those things that people have. but mostly, i really like the person that God made me to me, even with the bad memory and lack of structure. i still get stuff done! just in my own way. eek.
whatever whatever whatever man.
God. thank you for this strange mind you gave me. i'm perfectly happy with it.
i wish i had better memory.
and i wish i was more structured sometimes.
but you know, for the most part, you balanced out my flaws with some ok kinda fun stuff. i'm happy with the combo.
ok ok. i've got it. i need someone who listens to everything that i say. will read all the ridiculous stuff i write. will understand the language beyond words that i speak. and will actually find it funny and interesting. that guy will be real quality and sexy. he will have a sexy soul because his heart will be so alive and beating and loud and beautiful. and he will make me cry because i'll see his soul all the time.
he'll be the guy who actually reads through huge blog posts like this one hahaha.
i gotta sleep more often sheesh!
and learn to shut up sometimes when i'm writing.