dreamy movement

last night, i walked in the moonlight by the canal, and watched the night lights flicker over the ebb and flow.
i walked for over an hour, it seems. though i did rest on a bench for awhile to just let myself sink into my thoughts.

a lot of poems rush through my head when i go for long walks. i need to start bringing a small book with me to write in, because as soon as i sit down, all the poems, questions and ideas flow out of my head like water spilling from a large basin.
i felt like i needed to write a song soon.
i felt it coming.
it was whispering through the woodwork and crawling along the floor, to climb up my legs and stretch and squeeze into my cluttered mind.

i started a song last night, after i took the bus home at 12:30 a.m. and walked 15 blocks back to my house after the drop off.

when i walk alone at night, i have shivers the whole time i am moving.
its that feeling you get when the person you love lays next to you.
its that feeling you get when you hold back tears from running into something stunning, serene, and touching.

i was tingly for an hour. it felt like a ghostie was sitting on my shoulder while i walked.

i thought about the people i love, the friends i have lost, and the new friends i've made. i reminisced about the waves of changes that moved through the past year.
what a strange year.
it started off on a mixed note.
the middle got a little muddled too.
and the end is feeling like... like, mmm, something is missing.
or maybe i am just scared of what will be absent in the future that is making things weird now.

do you ever think so much that it makes you feel like you should never speak again, because what you really want to express cant be put into words?
or maybe you can come up with only 20 or so words to try to convey the millions of things you are thinking. and the few words you throw out just feel shallow compared to the thoughts that are speeding through your head.

when i finally sat down to write last night, i spat out empty words.

things get confusing when years meet their ends. or maybe, what is confusing is that i start to wander off in melancholy dreams, reminiscing about the year past. i guess i am just always in a dreamlike state of mind, bobbing in and out of empty and overflowing. somehow i am occupying two different spaces these days.

1 comment:

Allie said...

I like your song A LOT. I want you to tell me more about it. In private.