goodwill towards all men

i have been having a really really rough time lately.

its all been going on for the past couple of weeks. different things. different events. and its getting overwhelming.
i'm at the point of wanting to just run away.
this is the first time in my years in seattle that i just want to jump a train and get out of here. its driving me nuts.
this damn weather wont get better. i need sunshine. i think this year has confirmed the seasonal affect disorder i am feeling. no sunshine really really effects me.
last quarter i was rock climbing a lot so all that exercise helped in fixing my mood.
but i dont have enough money to get a membership at the gym this quarter. so my emotions have slowly been consuming me as the days add up.

seattle! get sunny already! you are only hurting me, and i wont put up with it!

i need to make a list of things to keep me occupied today. i need some hope in my day. i dont see any hope for today. i see hope for my future, but not so much in the immediate sense.

i just want to walk in the sunshine.
no sun makes me want to stay inside.
but i need to think positively. what will get me outside today?

there is a goodwill a couple blocks away from my house that i haven't been to all year.
i should go see if there is anything there to inspire me.
and i have to write a story today.
i should walk to a coffeeshop and write it.

first step in finding hope today:
putting my walking shoes on. and walking to goodwill.

Goodwill definition:
1. an attitude of kindness or friendliness. benevolence.
2. cheerful aquiescence or willingness.

i need to read my bible more often.
today i will make a list of things i need to do to get happy.

later that day...

i went to goodwill.
here is what i purchased with my $20 allowance i gave myself.

buying stuff does not lead to happiness.
but seeking inspiration does. unfortunately sometimes you have to buy stuff to obtain the inspiration you seek.

1. two small purses.
i needed some versatile small ones. the plan is now to sell some larger bags.
2. one crocheted vest sweater thing. its pretty. i promise!

3. one tin box to hold my pens and pencils.
replacement for the mug that was broken.

4. a big huge book.
i first was enticed by the typography. and then i remembered i wrote it down on a list of books i wanted to read.

5. a book by David Guterson.
i really loved his book, "Snow Falling on Cedars." so i'm going to give this book a try too.

6. an old book full of writings, sheet music, and illustrations for opera musica!
i'll make some pretty art inspired by, and using some of the sheets from inside.


Julianna said...

hey girl I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I love you millions though little pookie!
just so you know I read Jonathan strange & mr. norrell over Christmas break and although it look me forever to read and at times I just had to keep pushing myself to finish I really loved it!
the great thing about books like that are they way the characters become your family and you can totally get lost. i miss reading it.

Patrick said...

i read jonathon strange and mr norrell too, i have it if you want to borrow it. I loved it so much but it is a hefty read.