13.6.08

an eternal present?

why is it that we always want the things we can't have
the too quick time frames
the unattainable people

why does God always show us the most beautiful things at the most inconvenient times

i complain when time putts by at a turtle's pace
i beg for excitement
i bore myself to sleep

and then God throws in everything at once

the moments we crave suddenly arrive
the persons we pray for show up unexpectedly
the bird swoops down and drops it all in our crowded nests

so much happens at once, it cant all be contained

i cant savor the present because its gone in a flash
the things i want are swept out from under me
i cant say what i want because in a days passing, it will mean nothing

is the exciting anxiety God's voice, or just silly impulse

when are we supposed to take what we want and run for the hills
do we spill the secrets, or just keep quite
react to the inspirations and butterfly tummies, or just hide

have we missed out on past presents because we are scared

i think i know what i want right now
i see how everything builds off of years of prayer
but i cant take when it doesn't feel safe, easy, smooth, natural

i am too excited for a future

but i am always in the eternal present
craving, questioning
giving myself anxiety over the beautiful present things that come and go



i can only hope God is giving me tastes of the prettiest future
please God, tell me that the sprinklings of momentary satisfaction,
that only further the impassioned desires,
will find completion and further excitement in the future
keep me excited
keep me looking forward
keep giving and taking
just promise that some fleeting moments will turn into life long dreams fulfilled,
and forever fulfilling

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