14.6.08

remember the boat times?

Patrick.
remember me.
don't fade away.
i can't believe you are gone.
why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why
come back, come back, come back, come back.

i never listened to your favorite band. i'm sorry.
i never mailed you the package i made you. i'm sorry.
it's still in seattle.
i painted you a picture.
i cut out our photo from the newspaper.
i wrote you a letter.

i'm sorry.
why are you gone?
you weren't ready.
i wasn't ready.
we all weren't ready.

you were supposed to just be gone for the quarter.
you were supposed to come visit again.
you were supposed to come back.
you were supposed to be here.

you never got your tattoo.
i wanted to be there when it happened.
we never made music together.
we never started the collective.


you were my music bestie.
you were my art buddy.

remember when you came and visited me in my new apartment?
remember when our photo was taken for the newspaper?
remember all the late nights in the art center?
remember when we stapled katie's elbow?
remember doing homework in your room?
remember not doing homework in your room?
remember all the dance parties?
remember the porch?
remember 711 runs?
remember helping me make posters?
remember making the funny video?



remember trading music all the time?
remember when we took history of graphic design together?
remember when we took illustration together?
remember that giant nest/dread in the back of your hair?
remember hiking?
remember chipotle?
remember old greg?
remember the boat times?

remember matching music?
remember being two peas in an indie pod?
phosphorescent
bon iver
the most serene republic
yeasayer
grizzly bear
st. vincent
...
and on and on...



remember when you left, and we all cried?
you only needed a break from it all.
you didn't need to leave forever.
it wasn't supposed to be the last goodbye.

remember me.
remember me.
remember me.
don't forget me.
please patrick, don't forget me.
promise i'll see you in heaven.

promise you'll be there when i get there.
promise patrick.



you loved that bike.
you loved fixies.
did you have brakes?
you got hit by a car just a couple weeks before.
and now look.
you said for yourself that your job was really dangerous.
you said for yourself that with that job, your life expectancy was at most 2 years.
its not funny God, its not funny.
why fulfill the things he said that were just meant to be funny.
its NOT FUNNY.
it wasn't supposed to actually happen.


you were a much better designer than me.
you were a better musician than me.
i loved the music you made.
you loved coca cola.
you loved Pabst.
you loved dancing.
you were a sweetheart.
you had a good heart.
you were a sneaky one.

if you hadn't left, would you still be alive?
can we reverse time?
please please please please please please.
come back.
this isn't the end.
please God this isn't the end.
fix it now.
fix it.



remember the funny photo?

remember the boys, the girls, and all our last night together?
patrick, alex, tyler, calin, sean, eren, katie, and me.
we love you.
we miss you.

















"if it ain't from Brooklyn, suck it." with Patrick Hickey


































Patrick.
we love you.
we'll see you in a perfect place.
you'll be riding your fixie around.
i'll be in the art center working on a painting.
you'll roll into the color theory room, and we'll all be waiting there.
you'll show up and make everything better.

we are all waiting.
waiting waiting waiting.
i wont forget you.
i promise.
i love you my dear friend.
i miss you.
i love you.

5 comments:

Mama's Losin' It said...

Oh my god, I don't even know you, but this poem has my heart racing and my eyes are filled with tears. I relate all to well with this desperate feeling of wanting to turn back time...I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe this happened. I'm remembering a memory from this year when I saw you, Patrick, Tyler, and Alex at the art center and talking about how horrible the prof. was for a class me and patrick had. Basic Clothing Construction. This is surreal. I didn't know Pat that well, but he sure seemed like someone worth to know. This whole situation is incredibly upsetting...

-Grace

Allie said...

I'm with you right now. I'm with you right now. I'm hugging you. I can't understand this. You know you can call me any time. He was so beautiful and so dear. I just don't understand this.

Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea said...

This is beautiful. He was beautiful. I wish we could go back in time too. This whole thing is hard to believe. So sad.