hold me now

i am heartbroken, puffy eyed, and missing my friends.

i miss patrick SO much, it hurts.
i can close my eyes and pray for him to come to me, and he arrives. i feel him, i speak to him out loud and i know he hears. he hears my shaking voice, he sees my trembling hands, he sees my body collapse from heartache and overwhelming streams of tears.

patrick, i miss you SO much. i beg you out loud to come back. please come back. PLEASE come back please.
i miss you so much.

i listen to our favorite music. i listen to the music we would talk about. we shared one musical mind and one fluid harmonizing heart.
come back please.

i know you cant come back, but i still can't fully take it in. i don't want to believe it.
i know you are up there, because you come to visit me. and you wont let me open my eyes because you know how much it hurts me to actually see that you aren't physically there.

what am i supposed to do when i get back to seattle.
you aren't physically there.
what am i supposed to feel, say, think, do. how am i supposed to breathe when i know i will feel suffocated by the pain.
how will i make it?
patrick, watch over me. stay close by my side.

i feel you now, because you are giving me the shivers and tickling my arms.

patrick, watch over alex and he travels far away. i can't lose another friend. i trust that God is protecting him.
i trust you God, i believe. you are faithful.
but i am still scared. so scared.
what if he never comes back too?
God, what if?
patrick's death has left me paralyzed and frightened.
God hold Alex tight. don't let him get hurt. keep him safe, for him, for me, for his family and friends, for us all.
hold patrick tight. keep him safe for me until i can come up and join you all. hold him.
protect me now, and let me be with patrick when it is my time.
protect alex now, and let him be with patrick when it is his time.
God keep us safe, and let patrick travel with us, wherever we may go.

keep patrick alive. never let him die away. keep him alive. please God please.
keep alex alive. keep him safe. hold him tight.

God, hold me now. i need your sheltering wings so badly.
show me your love and compassion, protection and hope. hold me.

patrick, its your birthday so soon. come visit me and i'll show you with gifts of love and friendship. God will celebrate the day you were born, and the life you have lived. I will celebrate. i miss you.

1 comment:

Rachel.d.Hurley said...

moorea you are so strong to go through the summer while dealing with so much. the fact that you were able to love and care for and minster to all those high schoolers while still dealing with things in your own life shows how truly amazing you are! you have inspired me so much. i love you! thank you for everything you've done for me this summer.