and so begins a new chapter

i'm back.
it's been a bit inconsistent these past few months... this here blogging thing.

well, its been complicated now hasn't it? obviously, you can see that Patrick's death has spun me in a million different directions. or maybe... the quite opposite of that. his death has stripped me bare and caused me to focus directly and only on God. i have needed God more than ever thes past months. my head and my heart, my mind and my soul has been completely consumed by the ministry at Camp Hammer. it has been beautiful, life directing, inspiring, fulfilling, so many things i have needed for so long.

i have realized SO much about myself. so much.
i realize that i need to be more honest with myself. i am so stubborn. and i need to break down these walls i have dividing myself. i am open, but reserved. i am cautious and scared. i need to be honest about that. i AM scared.
these past few months have been so shocking for me because i have actually HAD to rely on, i have had to NEED other people. i have done so much growing on my own. i have relied on myself for my whole life. i have expected to only need me and God for forever.
this summer made me realize that not only do i need full confidence in myself, and in God, but i really desperately need to trust and invest in others.
i need mentorship. i need guidance. i need support. i need friendship. i need community.

one of the hardest things i am learning to say:


i am entering into my SUPER senior year of college, finally realizing that i need people!
i will be honest. i will actually observe myself and see my own needs.

i need community. i need others.
remember Moorea. remember. and say it out loud.

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