water damage

have you ever been so devastated that it feels like there is a war raging inside your stomach?
thats how i feel right now. im breaking down in my head, my heart, my insides, my eyes.

thank you to my dearest dear friend justy for making me dinner and for trying to fix my hopeless computer. he is a comfort when all my other comforts have fallen apart. and thank God for other friends who want to watch movies with me. and thank God for friends who want to go to church with me. and thank God i have kind hearted roommates. and thank God for church, a sunday morning refuge.

i literally feel like all my other, non human, comforts have been ripped away from me in one swift swoop.
i had just said in my list of comforts how important music is to me. and now my harddrive with 9000 songs on it has crashed. all my pictures. everything. comforts. creative outlets.
i had just said how my bed is one of the greatest comforts to me. and now it is soaked with sewage water.

here is the damage list so far:

$150 mattress
$25 favorite jacket
$45 favorite vest
$12 a pair, 10 pairs of tights
Japanese robe, a gift from my aunt
$25 a pair, 3 running shorts
$40 second favorite coat
$20 new skirt
$40 favorite yellow bag
$45 favorite linen pants
$50 favorite vintage dress
$25 camp hammer sweats, the only sweats i wear
$75 nicest fancy jeans
2 rugs
$20 a piece, 3 blankets
$55 down comforter
$20, sheets
$35, 5 towels
favorite book of poetry
favorite antique book of illustrations
and i had just spent $50 on new baseboards and stuff for fixing the walls.

total: $930 + emotional attachments

dont forget the harddrive that crashed. $100
i obviously need an external harddrive to back up everything. $75

$930 + emotional attachments to the extreme + $175 = too much

God, bring me comfort.


Allie said...

Fuck. I am so sorry, Moorea. I promise I'll call you soon, because I really want to see you and bring you some loving.

rebs. said...

my heart has been hurting for you for the past few days. i wish so badly i could be there with you to cry and pray and scream the f word and then talk about things like our love for all things japanese. i want to help you fix the basement, and when i get some i will send you what little money i have. i am here for you, in any way i am capable. my thoughts are consumed by your situation and i have been praying for you constantly. you are loved. and you will be ok. let me know of anything i can do.