then when i out it back in, yeOW! it hurt. and since then, my nose has been so ouchy ouch.
but ive been really loving my little nose adornment a lot lately. its been almost a year that i've had it. every time i look at it, i remember why i did it. because i am me! because i am true to myself and i will fight if i have to, to just be. my septum ring reminds me that if i am truly myself, if i am truly trying to be free and be completely me, i probably and most likely will offend someone or rub them wrong.
a lot of people over the past year have commented critically and rudely on my septum piercing.
"you look like a bull!"
"what is that door knocker doing in your nose?"
"that makes you look too aggressive"
"i would never expect you to do that to yourself. i feel like i don't know you anymore"
"you look weird."
"who are you trying to be?"
"do you want people to pull on that thing or something?"
"...nice nose ring...(long pause)"
this was the latest comment by some random person on the internet:
"you are a beautiful girl, but i just dont get the piercing. confused."
when i got my nose pierced, and i didn't announce i was going to, to every friend... when some girls saw it, they looked at me like i had like committed a hate crime, or killed someone or something. one girl started crying. some of my friends wouldn't even look at me. some said they didn't know me anymore.
you know what that told me? that some people weren't my true friends. or at least in that moment, their understanding of acceptance was jolted or something.
i am not defined by what i look like.
and if i want to change something about me on the outside, it is not for anyone else but me.
i will always be true to me.
my dad wrote me the most beautiful email, it made me cry.
he has always accepted me for me, and always will.
he said: "I admire your septum piercing because it shows you are independent and sensible at the same time. For me, strange to say, my tattoo was a BIG DEAL to me, especially the motto (which was Sir Stephen's) "By God's gift I am what I am." -1 Corinthians 15:10. When I had it put on me, against everybody's wishes for once in my life I felt like I had made a big step in my life. I was becoming my own person. And how old was I? 56."
like my dad getting his first tattoo at 56, me getting my septum pierced was like an exclamation to me, to God, to everyone i guess, saying that i am me and i will always be my own person.
i loved it.
but, last night it accidentally fell out while i was sleeping. and since it was kind of ouchy the past couple weeks and real sensitive, it closed up really quickly. dang it.
i tried fixing it again, but this time it had closed up almost all the way.
it looks as though i'll have to go without it for awhile until i decided whether or not i want to get another septum piercing. dang.
well, at least i had a year with it, with a visual reminder of, "i will always be me."
as my dad's tattoo says:
"By God's gift I am what I am." -1 Corinthians 15:10