swing swing swing

i feel like i'm having a major mood swinging day.

contributors to bad emotions:
1.  i went to bed 4 hours later than i expected because i was taking care of a friend who was all over the place.
2.  i only solidly slept for 3 hours because her phone went off at 7am and 7:30.
3.  i laid in bed till 11am because i was so frustrated that i didn't get to sleep much.
4.  i have a lot to do but i want to just rest, but my mind is too awake and jittery.
5.  i feel like i want to be around people right now but i am at home alone.  but then again, i don't want to be around people because i feel like i'll be cranky cranky.
6.  i am feeling dramatic and bitter in a way that i know it will pass in a few hours if i just get active.

contributors to good emotions:
1.  music:  i'm listening to a shit load of music that carries a lot of beautiful weight with it.  amazing amazing mixes from a dear friend.  one particular musician given to me by another friend that is just so powerfully simply and beautiful and heart quivering.  a friend's band's music which is so bomb.
2.  inspiration to illustrate my friends jess and allie's writings.  i am jittery wanting to just work and work and work but i can't get grounded and calm down.
3.  seeing freedom in the coming 4 months.  aaaah!  (also really scary though.)

mixed emotions:
1.  going home for thanksgiving.  i am both excited and nervous and scared and sad and feeling at peace and jittery and happy to see family and blablabla.
2.  school.  loving it and feeling really confined at the same time.
3.  going to Long Beach to live with my grandparents potentially in January for awhile?  i want to take care of them, but it will be really hard i feel.  but then it will be so good to invest in them.  and i will have friend community down there too which is so crazy to me to think of for some reason.
4.  friendships in general are just baffling me lately.  some are SO great.  some are so confusing.  some are so close and easy.  some are frustrating because i can't invest as much as i would like to.  but they are good, and i have friends all over the place.  its weird.  the connections.

i feel really loopy today.
i need to take the bus to buy watercolor paper.
and i need to hangout with someone who gets my jitters.  i need allie.  i need my sisters.

WOO my head is on overdrive.  i need to sleep long and hard tonight.

i need this:

ok.  i feel better.


Allie said...


Genevieve said...

so talented...you are.