the most important thing i learned this quarter was that i have always been very reactionary, and have lived my life waiting for trauma to shock me into my next major change.
counseling has been a wonderful thing for me, though i was always afraid and unwilling to go before. i have always thought, a strong person shouldn't need to go to counseling. if you just believe in yourself, you should be able to fix things on your own.
well, being at camp hammer this summer right after patrick died, really taught me that the strongest thing i can do is to LET MYSELF BE WEAK. its so hard for me to do, just be ok with being weak. but to grow, you have to do it!
so i went to counseling. i admitted i am weak and need to find strength in weakness, and i looked to the guidance of my counselor to help me grow.
when she said, "moorea, you always talk about who you dont want to be, rather than who you do want to be..."
that just slapped me into a reality check.
i used to talk a lot about how i "dont want to be like this, because of this other thing..."
i dont want to be a rebellious kid because people always expect that of a pastors kid. but i dont want to be a boring homely girl because pastors kids are always either one or the other.
i dont want to buy these particular shoes because people will think i am trying too hard to fit in with this particular style of kids, even though i just like the shoes a lot.
over think over think over think. reactionary.
thank the Lord my counselor said that simple sentance to me and pointed out how i am constantly living in a reaction against a person, event, or idea.
now i am trying really hard to just BE. i am settling into myself and letting myself be true to exactly me.
if i like a jacket that i know a lot of other people have, and i want to be unique, but i just like the jacket, i will be ok with buying the jacket because it doesnt matter if i happen to appear to fit in with this one style of people. even if i appear to be blending, thats not the truth of it. i am just simply being true to my likes and dislikes.
i love the Stumble feature on Firefox.
i just stumbled upon an article about living a Proactive life as opposed to a Reactionary life.
here are some tips for you to live Proactively, not reactively.
everyone is reactive in different ways, its hard to completely erase from your life. but you can work on it.
this was found on Blog Critics Magazine
Here are my simple, let's-not-make-it-too-tricky suggestions for moving from a reactive to proactive existence:
(1) Think, but not too much or you'll end up doing nothing.
(2) Consider and visualise the cost and the consequences of a lifetime of reacting.
(3) Create a to-do list right now and start ticking boxes today.
(4) Deal with your fears.
(5) Stop looking for, wanting, or needing the approval of others.
(6) Have your goals and dreams wrapped around a realistic, practical plan.
(7) Set deadlines for yourself: "I will do... by... "
(8) Get stuff done early in the day whenever possible. It helps get your head in the right place.
(9) Use an accountability partner (friend, coach, or mentor) to help keep you on track.
(10) Have an opinion, get off the fence, and stop being a spectator.