i really love my life. i think the past couple weeks have confirmed it. even amid the scariness of being an almost graduate in the soon to be 2nd great depression, even amid momentary and life long loss, i absolutely love my life.
chatting with Stacey and Patrick in the car ride back from Camp Casey, Deception Pass, and Stacey's parents house, just really brought to a front what life is all about, at least for me.
In the world i understand best, Life is about relationships and music. It is.
Music: playing at Q Cafe was so great. i feel completely in my element when i am singing for a large group of people. I feel bashful and shy when i'm talking, but once i'm singing, i feel so alive and like i'm just really emotionally and spiritually communing with those around me. i sound like a hippy, but its just true. i feel completely alive and like there is no way for me to avoid being completely myself when i sing. i love singing. and i love when people connect with it. I guess i made a lot of people cry at the Q Cafe show, especially because of the song i wrote about Patrick Hickey. I sing a lot about loss. But the song about Patrick H. was the kind of hard song to hear and to sing because it's about moving forward in the sea of life, trusting that though our friend is gone from our sight, he is still guiding us and dwelling among us with God.
Watching the Mopes play, which includes 3 of my favorite people: Patrick Landfair, Emily Landfair, and Alec Wetherington, was just the lightest my heart felt in so long. it brought to a fruition all of the beautiful feelings i have been feeling over the past 3 months. Watching people i just adore really genuinely enjoying themselves, really showing their happiness and love of life through their music just mademy heart leap with happiness, thinking of all the reasons why i love being alive. I love the Mopes. and I love how they make me love my life.
I will honestly compare the genuinity of Patrick Landfair's music making to Bill Fox and Elliot Smith. No joke. This kid seriously just speaks the same simple and genuine and real as real can be music language as these 2 amazing musicians. It takes genuine talent and a sincerely real heart to produce music that is structurally simple, but connects to your deepest deepest spots like not much else. Patrick, always make music forever. Thats all i ask.
And tonight, I got to see Andrew Bird for the 2nd time ever. Lets keep taking about music geniuses. Oh my gosh, he is just one of those musicians that just is created by God to make live music. His albums are so good, but live, he is just... unbelieveable. really. i cant even explain it. Listening to him live in a venue like the Moore in Seattle, that has great acoustics, just sends your insides for a most joyful swirl. I will compare experiencing great music live to being in Love. its just the greatest feel, just being IN it. getting to be a part of live music, getting to experience it, to be IN it, all you can compare it to is Love.
And on Thursday, I will be flying down to Long Beach to see Animal Collective, speaking of musical geniuses and love. I love Animal Collective. love them. I am so utterly excited. They are heroes for me. So inspiring. There isn't much else i can say, I just am beyond thrilled that i get to see my favorite band with my favorite man. I am so excited. I am so happy.
I get to see my favorite man. thats all i need to say. I am so happy.
This past weekend was amazing. Allie is for reals one of my dearest best friends, i LOVE her. LOVE her. It was her birthday weekend get away and a bunch of us went with her to stay the weekend in a fancy Victorian house she got to rent out at Camp Casey on Widbey Island. It was gorgeous. it was fun. it was joy filled. it was funny. it was great! we played ridiculous games, like that scary game where all the lights are out and one person is the "killer" and everyone just moves around the house quietly waiting for the killer to kill. and then when someone finds someone pretending to be dead, because the killer pretended to kill them, then we all reconviene and try to figure out who the killer is. it was so fun. i was so freaked out. i was killed once.
and we lit a dead Christmas tree on fire at the beach. it was a HUGE flame. and we fed deer in the palms of our hands. so cute. and we hacki sacked... haven't done that since high school ha. And we went to Deception Pass which is my most favorite place to hike it is SO BEAUTIFUL. and we had a fancy dinner at Stacey's house. It was a perfect weekend.
Oh and it was also Patrick's birthday on Sunday, and Carissa's birthday on last Monday. happy birthdays everyone!
And i have gotten to hangout with so many friends since i have been back. I feel like no one ever calls me or texts me but everyone has been so good to me since i have been back, right off the get go and I have been so busy just enjoying life with my friends!
God, you are so good to me. You give me friends, and you give me music. What more do i need. You show me love in incredible ways. You show me love, you show me life. You are so good God. You are so good. you keep me going when i could get sad. You give me hope when things are hard. You show me the real joys of life when cheap fun runs out. You are love. You are love. You are love. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your love. I am so happy. I am more than that. I am so joy filled.
I feel FULL! wow. that is pretty incredible. I think this is the first time i have ever felt just... complete. I feel full. My heart is full with exactly God wants it to be filled with. I am full. I am thankful. I am full.
Being back in Seattle is causing me to think a lot. And in the perfect amounts of thinking, and on the perfect things to be thinking about.
Patrick Hickey, We still miss you like crazy. You are wonderful, your love, your friendship, your music. We love you. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for the beautiful music you made. Thank you for your quite kindness. Thank you for our genuineness. Thank you for your bass playin' skillz. Thank you for your unique sights and sounds. Thank you for the life you lived, and let us be a part of. We love you so much. We miss you so much. We'll be with you one day again. We love you. We love you.
Lt. John Dunbar at El Diablo from Zeek Earl on Vimeo.
(Patrick Hickey is the lovely one playing bass in Lt. John Dunbar.)