New York On Hold?

so i have been stressing out about what to do after i graduate, since this is kind of the worst time to be graduating from under grad... ever, since the 1st depression. hey yo, looking forward to meeting you 2nd great depression.

anyway, i have had a million dreams of what i want to be when i grow up since forever. and other crazy ideas of what i wanted to do when i graduated. some being:
  • travel back to England and take friends to show them where i grew up
  • travel around Europe with a companion
  • travel to Japan, maybe do wwoofing for a year, or teach English for a year
  • move to New York for 6 months, or a year
  • move to Long Beach
  • go to cosmetology school for hair styling
  • get my teaching credentials at SPU
  • go to grad school for fine art or illustration
  • go to grad school for fine art or illustration PLUS get my teaching creds.
  • try and get some illustration internships
  • try and start my own illustration business
But here's the deal, a lot of these ideas really freak me out with the economy being ridiculous right now. I can cross out all things having to do with travel because i can't make any money to get me anywhere. And anything that has to do with moving that doesn't include a real purpose for moving is also incredibly irresponsible. so more gets crossed out. and everything else i am just so unsure about right now as opportunity arises for me to start getting really serious. i can't do everything.

But one thing i know is that my end goal for the past few years has always been to become a professor one day. I HAVE to get my teaching credentials, and I HAVE to go to grad school. These are 2 absolute requirements to become a professor.
Now, lets get serious. I know that one day, i want to be married, and i want to have kids. my bet is that this won't be happening for at least 5 years, at leaaaaaaaast. SO, it would be wisest if i did grad school sooner rather than later. I never know when or even if i will ever be married and have kids. But i do know that if i pursue it, and if i work hard to find money to pay for it, aka scholarships/grants, i can do grad school/teaching creds. i kind of have to. this is my biggest most serious dream.

The fact is, I need to get serious about this. I have been freaking out about grad school and wanting to put it off because i thought I'd have to focus in Fine Art, or Painting and Drawing, or Design, or Illustration and then get my teaching credentials on the side. And i have no idea which one i really want to focus on right now, or as a defining career within the art teachin world. But i just started researching schools and realized i can go to grad school for ART EDUCATION. duh Moorea, sheesh. This is what i want to do anyway.

So heres the deal, the economy sucks. And now is kind of the best time to go to grad school since going straight into the professional job world right now with, or without, a M.A. just is impossible. It would probably be wisest for me to go to grad school within a year after undergrad. Its too late now to go straight to grad school. And i don't want to get burnt out on school. But i NEED to go to grad school.

So, I am looking up schools right now in Art Education and it is looking like most good schools for Art Education are on the East Coast. duh, i guess i already knew that. And that idea once really excited me, even like a week ago it excited me. But i am suddenly freaked out because i don't know if i will know anyone in New York or Chicago in the fall of 2010. I will in this coming fall, but i don't know if those people will be there in over a year. I have the opportunity to move to New York this fall with some friends, but financially that could be really irrational of me to do so during this economy slump. It is one of the most expensive cities in the WORLD to live in. And i have no money. And i can't start grad school in the fall of 09 because i'd go crazy. So that can't be my motivation for being there in the fall. I need to be there in a year and a half, not 6 months. Uhg. bad timing. Will my friends sitll be there?

Aka, its scary knowing you need to go somewhere for your own educational and "later in life" financial good. But at the same time, it will be really hard on your emotional, spiritual and relational self, and immediate financial good, being in a place where you don't have an established friend base and no networks.

I was just talking to Stacey and Patrick today about how we are all essentially relational people. above all else, we all feel most made for relationships and holding relationships above everything else. We are all Introverts, but find our deepest source of LIFE in relating and being with those we love. Patrick and I are both INFPs, and Stacey is an ISFJ. If i go to grad school in a place where i know no one, and don't feel comfortable in the new environment, gosh i will just be so depressed. I know myself.

So God, give me guidance. Show me where to go, what to do. Show me support. Show me what is wisest and also best for me emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally, financially, and educationally. Show me the way God because i'm growing up and needing you more every second.


Allie said...

I know that you'll figure things out, and that God's going to lead you in the right direction. You have so much promise, girl! And all things are possible, no matter the economy. It just has to be meant to be, you know?

Rachel.d.Hurley said...

I think that sounds so exciting that you have all these choices for what to do next! scary, definitely, but so exciting it seems.
ps, if you travel europe, feel free to take me along : )

grace e. said...

I love England! I didn't know you grew up there! That's pretty awesome :) I actually wouldn't mind living there for 2 + years...