I don't know why God has been so good to me since this past summer. The spring and intro into Summer of last year may have been the hardest times in my entire life. Really really really hard things happened. Hard things have happened since then too, but there was just a point in June when something just incredible happened. There was a point at which i distinctly felt myself completely surrender to God's voice. I had never heard him so clearly, and I couldn't avoid doing what he said.
It was at that time that i really felt myself become a woman. I didn't feel like a kid anymore. I felt like i suddenly understood what it meant that God has complete control over my life, and yet I have a choice to do what he says, or not.
Since then, something changed in me. I have felt so much more calm and at peace since June. I have felt less funny, which I think still has a lot to do with the hardest losses of 2008. But i feel so much more at peace, so much more assured that God will take care of me no matter what.
Continually, through all the loss I have experienced over the past 9 months or so, I have seen God taking care of me through the people around me, and through just the mysterious calm he has brought over me.
I have never felt so loved in my life as I have in the past 9 months. I have never felt so cared for, and cared about. I still am in shock everyday of God's love, his mystery.
I just got a short letter in the mail. One line long. There is no name on it. I have no idea who it is that sent it, but they just sent me the biggest unexpected gift. I am so shocked. God is so surprising. Baffling. If whoever sent me this letter reads my blog, I just want to say THANK YOU. I don't understand your generosity. All i can think of is that you just are a huge blessing to me and I feel really undeserving. Thank you so much for your kindness. I wish i could thank you in person. But I guess I can't since you don't want me to know who you are. Just... thank you for your love and kindness. Thank you so much.
I will hold it tight until God shows me what I am supposed to do with it. I just am so shocked. I will be praying about this for a long time. God, you are so good. Thank you for loving me. I am unworthy. I will never understand your ways, but i will revel in your mystery.