Maybe it is because I feel like I have grown up a lot in the past year.
Maybe it is because I know I am a woman, and not a child, a girl, and teenager.
Maybe it is because I know that I try my best to fully rely on God now.
Maybe it is because I have learned how to not live a reactionary life, but simply Be.
Maybe it is because of my own desperate prayers to God.
Maybe it is because of the prayers others have said for me.
Maybe it is because I can hear God in every sound, in every piece of music.
Maybe it is because I have found the ways I feel most connected to God.
Maybe it is because I have learned how to be vulnerable to God.
Maybe it is because I have learned how to be weak and honest in hard times.
Maybe it is because I have learned when to speak, and when not to speak finally.
Maybe it is because I have loving friends and family.
Maybe it is because I have cathartic art.
Maybe it is because I have worked hard at finding peace.
maybe it is because I have guidance.
Maybe it is simply because God is good.
I feel peace. I feel joy and happiness. I so easily could keep crying and get depressed. I could so easily just want my own wants and ignore God. But He is too loud. He has really kept me so safe and brought me so much love in the past couple months through highs and lows. He is so good. I had a rough week this past week, but each day i felt God stronger and stronger. Through the love and understanding of people around me. Through the love of those who love Him. I felt his understanding, His kindness, His grace, His peace.
I am joyful.
I am happy.
I trust God's hands, He is the master craftsman. He is the artist. He is painting my life.
I am ok and it is so unexpected. I am not tricking myself into feeling better. I just am overwhelmed by the power of God i am feeling. He is so good.
His plan is different that what i want, but I am still joy filled. I am overjoyed. God, you are so tricky. Your love is greater than all things. And I am so thankful to have each new day, bringing goodness and hardship, to recognize your beauty in an even deeper way.
I am starting to change my views on Loss. I used to think I was really unlucky, that i has some curse on me or something. But I was so wrong. I really am seeing deeper truth finally as I grow up. Loss really is Gain. Anytime i feel like i am losing anything, i feel God deeper. I feel God. I know He is there. God is so good.