It is so interesting how life waxes and wains. A month ago I was very very sad and posted a blog with a video from First Aid Kit (watch here.) And today, a month later I was reminded of the same song by a friend. My feelings today are so different than they were a month ago. So much has been resolved in my heart, in my soul, in my spirit since a month ago. This has been a long month, and I feel so different since the beginning of it. I completely forgot that certain events happened a month ago. I am so peace filled. I was heartbroken and sad a month ago, but in the recent days leading to today I feel so healed, comforted and whole. I am amazed by God's kindness to me. All things feel resolved for me. I feel happy to be exactly where I am at. I was scared that I was going to become bitter towards to the sweet and softer parts of life in the days of March and April. I was for a little while. But I feel comforted and resolved.

And I am happy to revel in daydream romanticism again. My heart is healed and contented. And ready again to just find enjoyment and fulfillment in the warm feelings I can conjure up on my own, or in observation of things that spark a tender interest in me. I have been analyzing the things that have been creating little sparks in my heart lately. Dark and mysterious things, warm and soft, romantic and Victorian, ethereal, magical.

Things that embody my interior world at the moment:
the layers and harmonies in this song:

this art exhibition:

Garden and Cosmos
at the Asian Art Museum in Seattle

their photos and secret stares:
Hannah and Landon Metz.com
warning: they do have some nude photos, so don't venture on unless you are ok with nudity.

this book that i'm reading:
my dad gave it to me when i was about 14 or 15 and I never finished it. I am loving it now.

As described by Wikipedia: It is a discourse of a man who believes himself to be of two natures: one high, the spiritual nature of man; while the other is low, animalistic; a "wolf of the steppes." (I have been thinking about these two parts of human nature SO much lately. click on the title to read more.)

singing these songs with my doppelganger Patrick:

these spaces:
i get to paint my room whatever color i want this summer. dark greens, dark reds, and dark pinks, black, browns, and patterns.

daydreaming about travel:
...to cities like NY, Boston, Chicago, and beautiful cities around the world with a companion:

Butterflies in my stomach, whose source I can't pinpoint

I feel happy and cozy. I am content in my relationship with God and no other man, until He makes it so. I am so excited to go on a hike tomorrow, and to spend Easter with some friends I love. I am excited to go the Good Friday service at St Pauls' Episcopal church on the other side of the hill I live on. I am thankful for Holy Week. I am thankful for friends. I am thankful for romanticism and Renaissance men and ladies. I am thankful for faith, for mystery, for love, for life.

update 6 hours later: I have had a really rough and unexpectedly turbulent day. I am really glad I wrote this before the day became so difficult so i have something to remind me of the beautiful and stable, comforting parts of life right now. I really had no idea of what random things were going to happen today that would make the past 6 hours so emotionally draining and tumultuous. gosh. It is Good Friday. I guess it is good to have my emotions shaken up in preparation to remember the night of Jesus' crucifixion.


Margaret said...

This post made today so much better. God loves you.

Julianna said...

Ugh those rooms are so great! I wish I could live in them forever and ever

E.Hennessy said...

You are wonderful. I resonate with all of the above and I can truly tell that you're filled with a unique and lovely sense of peace that I'm convinced only God can provide us with:)

obsessed with moss said...

"You are not my doppelganger"

Steppenwolf was one of my favorite books in high school, I still think of it often. "tonight, for madmen only". Have you read that far yet?