I think I am supposed to stay in Seattle for awhile. Maybe for another 2 years. It's really strange for me to feel like I have complete freedom to do anything really and go anywhere, but I also have a choice to stay where I am and develop ideas and pursuits further in the place I am already at. I am used to making big transitions and seeking ways to majorly transform, start over. The transition out of college is I think the first major transition I have ever made where I have the choice to not make some huge change away from what I am used to. I am trying to really recognize that I have a lot of opportunity to, instead of shifting gears completely in life, develop what I am and what I have. I really am starting to recognize all that I can do right now if I put my mind and heart into it.
I have good opportunities to pursue art. I have art supplies stacked up from 5 years of college. I have all of my art stuff here with me. I am an artist's assistant to a fabulous artist who is also incredibly nice. I get to work with other young artist's like me. I get to develop in a community of artists.
I am making pretty good money being a nanny. At least right now in the summer since the kids aren't in school haha. I am trying to pinch and save and figure out where the money should go to in time. save it all for when I must begin paying back loans in 6 months? Uhg. So much money... And nannying isn't so bad. I enjoy it most of the time. Especially when the kids are sweet to me.
I have friends here. I have friends in other great places like New York, the Bay Area and LA. But I feel like I should soak up what I have here before I venture on to another place, hopefully, for grad school in 2 years or so. Lets hope that I can get into a good grad school in 2 years!
I do love Seattle. I love the weird weather, the general populus, the variety of things to do and places to go. I love that it is a city, but parts of it feel like small towns. I love that I feel safe here. How lucky to feel safe in a city at night. I love that I can get out of the city and go hiking in 45 mins. I love how many yummy palces there are to eat. I love that there are tons of places to get fresh and healthy food. I love that people here are more concerned with doing good things for the earth and for other people than the vapid shallow self indulgence of other big cities. Every community across the globe has its good and its bad parts. And I will take Seattle's bad attributes over most other cities bad bits anytime. People can be kind of pretentious here, hipsters galore, and it a little bit makes me want to barf sometimes. But when i put things in perspective, I'll take pretentious brats doing good things for others because it is trendy over pretentious brats doing nothing for others and only caring about themselves any day.
I want to stay put for awhile. It is hard for me to focus on pursuing something when I am constantly feeling like my environment is in transition or isn't set or stable. I am loving the house I am in right now, with the gals who are in it, and my bedroom I have to myself with all my art supplies, books and musical things in one space. I like my privacy, I like being alone and having my own space. I like keeping to myself and having just my things in my space. I like to share, but I really need to know I have my own place and boundaries.
But I am only subletting for another 2 months. I need to find somewhere to move and roommates to live with. I can live with my 2 best friends again. But I feel like it might be best for me to not live with best friends. I feels more healthy for me personally. I think I need the space. I need separateness, knowing that I have time and space away from good friends. When I am with my besties I just want to hangout with them, which is great. But that doesn't help me at all in being a grown up and investing in my passions and pursuing my goals. There is time for having fun with friends, and there is time for pursuing dreams. I think I need to live in a space where I am not distracted by friends, rather inspired to work and inspired to seek out my friends with an appropriate balance.
Also, I would really like to be able to live in a house for 2 years. I want to stay put for a little while before my next big transition. I need to have my environment feel settled so I can focus on more important things than "where am i going now, and now, and now, and now?" I want to work on my art! I want to have space to create! To make music! To make clothes! To start my own business basically in all I make.
I need to live with introverts. Tidy introverts. Gosh, the ideal living situation would be to be in a house with maybe 3 or 4 bedrooms. 4-6 roommates who are somewhat similarly minded and can respect and appreciate each persons diversity, and can give each other space when needed. People who are focused and driven. People who are cleanly and take care of their space. People who would appreciate my aesthetic and would let me decorate haha. People who want to live in the same house for at least a year, or two.
Perhaps I just need to rent a good sized room in a house full of strangers who have already established their place. Hmmm... please be praying for me that I can find a good place to plant myself for the next two years. I am really really sick of constantly moving ever 3-9 months. Its very tiring, espeically when your main work is based in your home, and you need a lot of space to work.
God, my life is in your hands. Please guide me to the best places I can be to remain feeling stable and balanced. College was really crazy and hectic, really unstable and roller coastery. I am ready to grow up and pursue stability while still being a dreamer. Guide me and help me to always remain at peace with my eyes open and smiling.
ps, I think that with the money I have been saving, I think I really need to buy a good camera. I have had so many reasons for needing a good camera in the past 2 years, and the need is ever increasing. First a bike and then a camera? or flip flop that? Oh decisions.