I think all signs point to me needing to quit my nannying job come mid September... It a little bit stresses me out. I really dig the flow of income that helps me save for the dark cloud of paying back college loans for the next ten millions years looming in the not so distant future, aka 5 months count down... And being able to get through each month not freaking out that i won't be able to pay rent or eat is pretty rad. Its nice knowing I can live with my basic needs being taken care of. If I quit nannying without another job lined up, I could be royally screwed.
But heres the deal, I am an artist. I want to be creating paintings, drawings, making music, making jewelry, making clothes, and I want to go to grad school in 2 years. So in the mean time, it would be super helpful to be working in the art world, in a gallery, as an artist assistant in addition to the artist I work for now. It would be nice to come home from work, not feeling like I need to cry because of angry children yelling at me. It would be nice to feel free to use my off time to invest in my own artwork, develop a portfolio for grad school. aah... Or I could just quit the nannying job I have right now which most of the time feels like pure chaos and try and find a not so crazy nannying job. I mean, I used to like nannying. But I think these kids know exactly how to take advantage of the fact that they aren't disciplined. And I am a little over that.
In the month ahead I need to:
1. find a new job.
2. find a new house to move into by Sept 1st.
3. figure out how to get my car from the bottom of the U.S. to the top of the U.S.
4. figure out when I will ever have the time to visit home in Northern California again. I really miss my family...
5. try to relax a little and stop freaking out about the future.
6. rely on faith a little more.
Ahhhh, being a grown up is hard. It can be so fulfilling, but at the same time it can feel like the excitment and joy of my mid twenties are suddenly being whipped out of my hands at full force. I want to grow up but I dont. Basically, I just want to be my age. I like taking care of my responsibilities. But I don't want to be a substitute mom for really sneaky mean kids.