3.10.09

What the Funk

Well I don't know what the deal is folks.  I'm feeling a little off.  Not sure what will solve it.  I am not sure what the source of the down feeling is.  Perhaps the weather, transitioning out of summer.  Perhaps the busy-ness of working and recording and seeing people and small tasks.  Perhaps loneliness combined with not really wanting to see anyone.  Perhaps boredom, a lack of the new and inspiring.  Perhaps homesickness.


I think what it comes down to is that I desperately miss my sisters.  Desperately.  I usually see them at least in the winter and the summer.  At least every few months.  But I haven't been home since the beginning of February.  Maybe I have been lacking in camaraderie.  But I feel like I should be fulfilled already by the friendships I have.  I have great friends.  Nothing can replace the companionship I already have with my sisters.

On top of that, I think the season change into Autumn always makes me feel the need for a companion.  I don't like large groups.  I don't like being around a lot of people, more than 3 usually feels too much.  I don't particularly even need 3.  I do, on the other hand, just like having someone there.  some-1.  I don't think I need a boyfriend.  I don't need a serious relationship.  I don't even think I need a titled relationship of any sort.  and I am not looking to hook up with someone either.  I just like having a companion in male form who is smarter than me and who challenges me and enjoys being around me as much as I enjoy them.

Also, I miss school.  School has started and I am not studying.  I miss studying.  I miss learning, mind expansion.  I think I am going to start studying logic on my own.  I miss class discussion about art.  Maybe I need to take an art class.  I think I might go sit in on random classes at the University of Washington.  They are so huge I can get away with it, though probably not the art classes.

Ahh... I'm just feeling weird, in a funk.  And my heart is really heavy knowing that a friend of mine from home is in process of losing her dad to pancreatic cancer right at this very moment.  Pray for her.

I'm feeling funky in a non danceable way.

3 comments:

Suki said...

I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling blue. I do think the season change, and the 'back to school' atmosphere - those collective shifts - can be unsettling sometimes. I know I often find that.

I think we all need different friends, different kinds of companionship, to fulfil different needs & different aspects of our identity. At the moment I don't have close friends in the town where I live, which I find hard. And family... well, those bonds run so deep. I miss my brother a lot. But I've always wondered what it would be like to have sisters. I'm envious of the closeness you have with your sisters!

Anyway, I hope the clouds soon blow away. And I wish your friend courage for the hard times ahead.

Inside the Cabinet of Wonder said...

ah i am feeling just the same..everything is weird.
hope you feel better soon.
:)

beautifulnemo said...

Hi,

I really hope you'll feel better soon...
You said some things you don't like or would like to be different... I think you can start and change them yourself, even if now you think you can't do it...
think about it...
:)
think about the positive things you have, and if you want to study or make something new, just start it! It would be the best way to feel better.

xxx from madrid