my bedroom at home with the family.
I am home for a hot second. I feel overwhelmed. I haven't been home in almost a year which means there is a lot I need to catch up on. I drove down with some friends Tues/Weds. It was about 14 hours total and I drove for 6 hours straight Wednesday. We arrived at 11pm and I passed out at home around midnight.
Yesterday I spent most of the day sleeping, exhausted from traveling. My sister's boyfriend came over and made breakfast, yum blueberry pancakes. After that I napped. Then I wandered around in a daydream stupor and tried to pulled myself together. My family and I went to a family friends' house for dinner. I love their house. Dinner was nom nom nom-y yum. Thanksgiving was great.
I stayed up till 4am for some reason last night...maybe it was the nap that did me in. I had a sudden urge to edit photos. And then 4am came. And then I slept until noon today. What a waste.
Today my sisters, sister's boyfriend, and pseudo brother and I went out to lunch and walked around downtown for a hot flash. I got to see one of my best buddies from high school for a second in my favorite coffee shop. Tomorrow we'll get lunch together. Tonight my family is having a Thanksgiving dinner re-run. And tonight I'm going to hangout with one of my other best friends from high school.
I got an email from anooother old best friend I haven't talked to in a year. I hope I can meet up with him for a second. And I want to see some of my other best friends from high school before I leave tomorrow night. Its not enough time, I feel anxious. Too many good people who I love and want to spend time with. My heart is racing.
Not having the regiment of college is hard. I don't have set times in the year that I know I can come home. I can only take whatever brief moments in time that happen to open up to come home. I will come home for Christmas, but I don't know for how long. I miss Nevada City. I miss Northern California. I miss the people, the community. I feel like so much of who I am IS Nevada City. But I feel really disconnected too. Its my own fault really. I went to college 2 states away. I didn't try hard enough to stay in contact. I just hate talking on the phone. I need to get over that, now. Now.
I am home and it both makes me feel really at peace, safe, cozy, warm AND anxious, nervous, excited, overwhelmed, exhausted. I want to see people, but I don't feel like I have time to see them all and be re-energized between each meeting. Its too fast. Its too fast. Its way too fast.
I love Seattle. I love Nevada City. For similar and different reasons. I have so much invested in both places. The city, the small town. Ah my head and heart just whirl out of control when I am home. I just feel torn. In a good way I guess. My heart is stretched between 2 places.
I drive home again with my friends tomorrow late afternoon/night. I have to be back by 9am on Sunday to do my friends hair for her wedding, and then go to the wedding at 2pm. This trip is way too fast for my heart to take. uhg.
My home smells like incense as usual. The walls are painted in deep dark colors and the floors are strewn with middle eastern rugs. The rich walls are covered with art, golds, reds, greens, browns. Colorfully patterned materials from Africa hang about the house. Tables and cabinets from Morocco and England support all of my parents precious treasures. Tibetan relics and Christian icons are carefully set about the house.
I'm listening to Eric Whitacre's "Sleep."
Isn't this song so powerful?
Isn't this song so powerful?
I sang this song in high school with my choir. I hope that I cherished each moment singing as much as I daydream about it now. Ah this song is incredible and moving. What a lucky person I was to get to sing and feel such beautiful music in high school, to be born into this crazy family, to grow up in this sleepy eclectic town, to have the few good friends that I did, to feel free and open as I did here. Ah, I could cry. I am so nostalgic about this place. I am beautifully overwhelmed.