Face Booboos.

ok so I have had acne since I was in 6th grade. I've had to take medication since 6th grade. I am 23 now, so thats... 11 years? Almost half of my life I have had bad skin. Why I am talking about this on my blog is because I think a lot of people have had to, or do wrestle with acne. Its possibly one of the most obnxious annoying things in the world because really bad acne has nothing to do with hygene. Its not as simple as wash your face and it goes away. Its just a little evil guy that loves to make your skin feel like its throbbing with pain, and crawling. Damn you acne, damn you.

When I was little it was pretty mild, but once I got to the end of high school, when depression set in deep my ADD got out of control, my acne just started to get worse and worse and worse and worse. My freshman year of college was the VERY worst. I had tried every acne medication and nothing was working. At one point I was taking 3 pills a day, and using 2 different topical medications. My doctor and I decided it was time for the big guns. Accutane.
As per usual when taking Accutane, my skin first freaked out and purged causing my face to explode with acne. Not cute. At all. That lasted for about 3 or 4 months. But after that my skin was so awesomely smooth and clear and even toned and great. Ahhh, the good old days. What Accutane does is basically shrink your oil glands. This was pretty sweet. My pores looked like they disappeared. And I could go for quite a few days without washing my hair, where normally I have to wash it every day. Boo.
Some bad sid effects though (especially during the months my skin was purging...ew.) were my lips were sooooo chapped, my nose was bleed a lot, my eyes were so dry, and I would get patchy dry spots on my arms. But that all went away once I was off Accutane so phew to that. Some people though have way worse stuff happen to them while on Accutane, aka depression and suicidal thoughs and liver problems and such. Thank God I didn't have any of that happen.

Anyway, my skin stayed beautifully clear for about a year. About 50% of people, after taking Accutane for 6 months, never deal with acne again. Alas, mine came back. That year that I didn't have any acne was so freeing, I cant even express it. If you have never had acne, severe cystic acne, you really can't understand how hard it can be sometimes. When my skin was clear, I didn't feel my face the way that I do when my skin is bad. Cystic acne literally makes your skin throb. When it is really bad, and i accidentally touch a part of my face where there is a cystic acne demon spot, it hurts soooooo bad. Just touching it. Any sort of pressure on it just makes it throb with pain. When it is bad I am constantly feeeeeeling my skin. And by that I mean, my body is hyper aware of the pain in the skin on my face. When its bad, I always feel it and it hurts. Its so hard to not be aware of how my skin looks when I feel it so deeply and painfully. Its hard to not imagine that other people are judging me based on how my skin looks. I feel far less beautiful when my skin is bad. When I was little I didn't like the shape of my nose, the arch, its severeness. But I grew to love it and find pride in how different it is than my sisters' and mom's cute little button noses. Acne is not something "different" about your face that you can just grow to appreciate. It is painful. It is an infection. It is in no way attractive. It sucks ass.

These days I have learned that getting a good amount of sunshine and swimming in salt water immensly help my skin. Unfortunately, I live in Seattle so sunshine is just a rare treasure and swimming in the ocean will not only aid in curing my skin but aid in giving me a quick onset of hypothermia. Its not an option I can work with here. So I take medication. And it only sort of works.

and I left my acne meds in California when I went home for Thanksgiving. Worried that my skin would freak out during the 3 days before my meds would arrive in the mail, I scoured my stash of face washes, face masks, lotions what have you for something that could help my skin. Nothing.

Ahh, but wait, last night I stumbled upon some neosporin. Yes, that good old first aid and antibiotic ointment used for booboos and scars. "Well hey, my acne is basically a cluster of booboos that create scars. Perhaps neosporin could help my acne? Its super gentle on my sensitive skin..."

So last night, I tried just putting a bunch of neosporin on my acne after I washed it. When i woke up in the morning, my skin felt so much more calm. Way less painful. So today I tried putting on some neosporin under a little powder makeup. And lo and behold, my skin feels calm and not super dried out or oily. It just is feeling better. Not good yet obviously because I still have acne and scars. But better. I'm going to try using it on my face for the next week or 2 and see what happens. Why not right?


Anonymous said...

I have never had to experience acne in the sense that you just explained, and am almost frightened for you. Is it something that you can ever grow out of? Excuse my naivety..
I hope that this new method works for you!

JD said...

I'll just sympathize, because this battle is the hardest to win and to win and have a happy ending, no deaths or brutal injuries. Its your self-image we're talking about here, and it's the main cause of young adulthood depression. Mine returned as well, after Accutane. But my cystic acne has never returned and I thank God, for that.