I have been having a really rough month or two. It has just been a crazy time of transition and huge change in every area of life. There have been hard things, and there have been amazing things. But with both types of experiences, major decisions have had to have been made. And major decisions are not easy :)
Right now I am juggling quite a few jobs. I'm not making a ton of money, but enough to live off of.
1. an illustrator
2. a blog designer for Freckled Nest,
3. a jewelry designer (and I just made my first big wholesale sale! My stuff will be popping up somewhere in Asia!)
4. a musician: with my band and solo
5. a nanny.
6. Oh, and sometimes I am an artist's assistant for a big name in Seattle/the U.S. art scene (And I get to go on CRAZY adventures like driving a 6,000 TON sculpture from Seattle, WA to NY, NY in 4 days! Video of us installing the art: HERE. video of the drive from the west coast to the east coast in super speed: HERE!)
Now, lately my life has come to the point where I am having to nanny a lot, and in my off time, I have to choose between pursuing my actual careers and passions or having friend time & me time. What I am realizing is that I should not have to be choosing between those latter things. Relationships and taking care of myself should be first. My dreams, my goals, my passions, my truest callings should be high on my priority list. All things lead to the fact that nannying is no longer benefiting my life, rather, it is suffocating me. I no longer need it to maintain financial stability. And right now, with the way I have to work my actual career and life around sporadic nannying, I feel like all peace is being drained from my spirits.
Well, I just put in my 2 weeks notice for my nannying jobs. I have been feeling really guilty about quitting because it IS such a relational job. And I feel like parents depend on me a lot to keep their life running the way they want it. But, thanks to miss Karin, (who I live with) I was reminded today that I shouldn't feel so guilty to the point that it prevents me from doing what is best for me. I shouldn't just sit in situations that once were perfect for my life, but now are sucking the life out of me.
So here I go. I have been out of college for a year and a half, and now I am fully diving into pursuing the arts. I will be utterly and completely a full time artist. Dudes, this is so scary. Like woah. But I have faith this will all work out. Sometimes you need a good kick in the ass because of major confusion and hardship to make you realized, you DON'T need to live in an unhealthy situation anymore. And you always have the choice to do what's best for you. That choice of course, can be very hard. But worth it.
I have a choice. And I am choosing to become a full time artist. Here we go.
Oh, and wish me luck! <3