On Seeking a Counselor

I don't know why, but just lots of things have been a bit hard for me since moving out of my old house.  A lot of things have been hitting me, reminding me of the ways that I need to move on and grow up.  Difficult things have been coming up, mostly the repressed pain I have from my childhood.    I'm a very sensitive person and when I feel something it is really powerful.  I am also proactive and try my best to be a good person and fix things when they seem dysfunctional.  I do a pretty good job of it most of the time :)  But the stuff that is coming up now is a mixture of things I never fully let myself heal from as a kid.  And there are times when you can't fix everything yourself.  Community and guidance are so important!  And I'm needing to seek out both of these a little more these days.

I have been missing writing music a lot lately.  I have been missing fine art a lot too.  And seeing Ira Glass talk live about the power of storytelling really just shook me into a realization of how my music and fine art are forms of storytelling.  Really, everything I love to create the most and that holds the most value is filled with stories.  My illustrations hold a form of storytelling in them, and traditionally they accompany a narrative.  But with fine art and music, I usually channel a more powerful and intense level of storytelling that hits different things than I usually explore in my illustrations.  Fine Art and Music creation are more introspective and contemplative for me.  More personal.  I haven't written a song in over a year, nor created a piece of fine art.  And I think it is getting to me not having that outlet to free me to ruminate deeply about what I want to put into a piece, how that idea was created in me, what was it's source, and how the piece can effect others.

I think I need to write more music and work on some fine art to find some healing within myself.  I need to feel like my stories can be taken seriously through those art forms, and that others can find them relate-able.  I think great art contains a well thought out narrative, and beyond just presenting an idea, it evokes a new understanding in the viewer and becomes a part of the story of the viewer's life.  Great art shows up as a person's favorite song or favorite painting, favorite poem etc.  I think everything, even sports, can take on the form of art.  Like soccer can become the dance of someone's life, or the movements that happen while playing a sport can suddenly embody who you feel to be.  The viewer relates with the art, feels something new yet familiar with it, and takes it on as a part of who they are as well as it being it's own entity.  That is poetry, the mixing of an art form's essence with a person's essence.  The artist and creator is embedded in that which they create, and their being becomes part of that art form.  And when a viewer allows to let all that they are in their present self to co-mingle with that essence of an art piece, ah, it is magic!

I am made to create and convey important ideas.  Aren't all people in one way or another?  I think that I had to go through the really rough things that I did when I was younger so that I could feel things more intensely and could be sensitive to those around me who have experienced similar trauma.  I truly believe that all bad can be turned into good.  When something awful happens, a person still always has the right, the choice, and the freedom to choose to create beauty out of pain.

I need to let myself just be peaceful and contemplate how to create and what to create to help me heal.  And in turn, the art I create will help others who have experienced similar pains as me.  The one thing that makes it SO hard for me though to even write a song about about the past or create a piece of art about specific events and people is that I don't want those people, who have really hurt me in past, to be overly sad in the present for their past mistakes.  What's past is past, and I believe that most people feel remorse for the mistakes they have made.  In healing my pain, I don't want to hurt anyone else in the process, even those who have hurt me.  All people deserve love and understanding.  I forgive easily.  But it is hard to just forget what has happened and how it has changed me.  The good AND the bad has made me who I am.

It is really hard and confusing to know that I need to use these mediums of music and fine art to find healing when they could cause pain for others.  It just tortures me to know that my healing could come at the expense of hurting someone else.  It stops me from doing what I need to do for myself.  I just can't stand hurting people when I know I can prevent it at my own expense.

This is why I think I need to see a counselor.  I need an older, wiser person who feels safe to help guide me in the process of choosing to do what is best for me.  I need them to help give me a better and new perspective.  I don't ask for help quickly or easily, but this just feels really obvious, like lots of things have been leading me to this point of needing to go to counseling for this.  I did a little counseling in college and it really helped me a lot.  But I was really afraid to tap into the issues I have with my past and certain people.  I need to jump over that hurdle.  I'll be ok.  They will be ok.  It's just a lot to be thinking about and to have weighing on my heart.

I don't think I have ever heard anyone in the blog world say that they have been to counseling.  Though I know plenty of people who have done counseling or are in counseling at the moment.  I feel like there is a terrible stigma placed upon people who are open about the fact that they have been or are in counseling.  I doubt there is any person in the world who has, or who will not ever experience trauma.  And I truly believe that all people have times in their life when they just need to feel like they have a community of kindness, acceptance, and wisdom surrounding them.  Right now, I do feel like I have a lot of beautiful and good things happening for me.  But at the same time, I know there is pain I need to address and not hide from.
A strong woman, a strong man, a strong person is someone who is honest about ALL that they are, most importantly, to themselves.  We are all complex, we all have had things happen to us that were out of our control.  But we all are also the leaders of our own lives, we always have the freedom to do what is best for ourselves amidst or after something bad has happened to us.

To you my friends, if you are going through something really deeply painful in the present, or if their is still residual pain in your life because of things that have happened in the past, whether they stem from your own hurt inflicted upon yourself, the pain you inflicted upon others, or the hurt that others have caused you, YOU deserve to feel freed from that torment.  In seeking assistance, guidance, and help, you are not giving up.  You are taking control of your own life, making your own decision to be a fuller more present and joyful person, and are taking the leap into the land of vulnerability.  You will be safe.  There are people to support you.  There are millions of kind people in the world praying for your healing.  I am one of them.  If you are afraid of counseling, or afraid of feeling shameful because you want to or need to go to counseling, screw that!  You are wonderful and deserve to do what is best for you! :)

I never wanted to go to counseling when I was younger because to me it felt like I was "giving up" or that I couldn't take care of myself.  I hated asking for help.  But having gone to counseling for a little while in college, I realized seeking counseling is SO the opposite of giving up.  Choosing to seek guidance is SO wise!  You make your own choices, your own decisions.  This is your life.  And you will be just fine :)  We all have our dysfunctions.  And we all have our areas in which we excel.  Always seek to give yourself the chance to change your dysfunctions into areas of new growth and storage of knowledge where you can help those like you.

There we have it.
I am at one of those points where I am seeing ways in which I need to transform and evolve, to grow into a more full and joyful person.  And I hope that I can encourage you to seek to do the same for yourself.  You are worth it :)  Whether that just means changing a few little daily things that you do, or making a big step to resolve major issues, you are free to do what is best for you!  Love your neighbor as you love yourself, and make sure that you are loving YOURSELF as much as you love your neighbor too :)  I love you friends. <3


Allie said...

Do it! It's awesome.

Amy --- Just A Titch said...

Moorea, I was in therapy/counseling for nearly seven years and I truly believe it saved my life, not just in that it helped me overcome clinical depression but in that it helped me take control of my life and do the things I've always wanted to go. I wish you the best on your journey with this...I hope you find the perfect person to help you!

Chelsea said...

I think this is awesome that you posted about this--you're right; there is still a stigma but its slowly fading away, I think. I have been before and I'm in school to be a counselor right now, so I guess I'm kind of biased, but still! Also, don't be discouraged if the first person you go to (or the first couple) aren't the best match for you...not all counselor/client relationships work out, just like all friendships or other relationships don't work out. The first counselor I went to was a terrible match! But I tried someone else and it really is life changing!

Moorea Seal said...

Haha thanks.

Oh i know. I went to 2 different counselors for a year in college. One was pleasant but didn't do anything for me. The next one was kind of intimidating but woah, she helped me so much!

Now for round 3!

Sara Kate said...

You're awesome. I just wanted you to know that. :)

Asking for someone else's help takes guts that some people just don't have, so way to go, sister! Seriously though, I don't understand the stigma associated with seeing a counselor. I mean, God forbid you want to get well, right??

kiteride said...

As someone with a masters in counseling, I can say wholeheartedly that counseling is definitely not about giving up but acknowledging that there's room for progress. The counselor/therapist/whoever is there to help guide you in making decisions and sorting things out, not to tell you what to do or make you feel like you're a failure by any means.

Thanks for writing about this! :)

Suburban Sweetheart said...

This was a brave, wise post, & you shouldn't feel at all ashamed or nervous about wanting to see a therapist. Do you read Lauren From Texas or Just A Titch? Both talk about their experiences in therapy openly & comfortably, in ways that shed positive light on the positive, life-changing impact of seeing a therapist, in ways that make it feel totally normal & helpful. You should check them out, maybe get in touch with them to see how they went about it, if you're unsure of where to begin. I've long thought about it & really feel like it will benefit me, point me in the right direction, help me learn more about myself & what's best for me. I've always felt like I haven't had time for therapy, but I continue to think that someday I'll do it, & I'll wish I'd done it long ago! Hope it works for you. <3

andrea said...

Darling girl. I have been through more therapists than hair colors, more counsellors than shoes, more books than Chapters. *hug*
Lets talk. xo

Carolina said...

I recently did a stint with a psychologist. And I'm so happy I did. I also had unhealed things from my past doorbell ditching me and leaving me to stew in a confused mess of emotions and frustration. My doctor is so amazing. Often times it helps to just have someone listen without bias so I can see what's going on for myself. And when more is needed she's there to provide some perspective and remind me that there's nothing wrong with me feeling the way I do. Most people that I know personally would rather try to "fix" me, because they want me all happy go lucky again.

I think more people in the blog world have a counselor/psychologist than they let on. I've blogged about it, but it's been on my personal blog because I didn't want to scare the readers I do have on my art blog away with a topic that has so many misconceptions surrounding it. So I think you are very brave to share this and I'm very happy you have a space to do so.

Kyla Roma said...

I love this post, you're such an amazing heart Moorea. Seeking help is so vital- I did it in university and it was so helpful! I hope that you find someone who is a great fit for you <3

kstevensdance said...

Good wisdom, Moo!

sonya said...

I just wanted to say thank you for this. Going through a divorce and living in three different homes in three different states this past year...I still feel...lost. I'm desperately trying to get my footing, and as much as I know I am so incredibly blessed in so many different aspects of my life, something just doesn't feel right. So thank you. I think this is something I might explore.

that kate said...

I have just found your blog and i think it is wonderful! This post made so much sense to me and is something i can really relate to. I can not wait to delve deeper and read lots more past posts!

Lost Cabin Vintage said...

Moorea, thank you for sharing this story with the 'blog world'. I am not ashamed to say that counselling has helped me greatly in the past year. Indeed it felt like giving in at first, as did having to be medicated for the first time in my life. But seeking help has given me the tools to help heal my past and deal with the anxieties that were crippling my life. Best of luck with your journey. No matter what, you'll continue to inspire my with your raw talent and creativity.
Toni xo