29.1.11

I need Your Help


I haven't gotten personal on my blog in quite sometime.  And I am at a point where I am realizing I really need to let you in on some things so that you can help me and the space I am in.  Please be thinking good thoughts or praying prayers as you read this.
For my entire life, intense and traumatic events have occurred wherever I go.  Not just on a normal person level, I'm talking just ridiculous events are thrown at me constantly without me provoking any of it.  I myself am a very peaceful person.  I seek light, joy, kindness, compassion and peace in all that I do.  I seek powerful love.  I seek openness and honesty.  And I am cautious and careful in all that I do.  My friends and family know that I am responsible, thoughtful, and good hearted.  But despite all my efforts, or perhaps because of my constant desire to do good, bad things have always been on my trail, haunting me wherever I go.  I am not just being dramatic or trying to get sympathy or say I'm a saint, cuz, baby, I've made many mistakes and have deserved plenty of failures and pains.  But, you can ask any number of my friends who have known me for a few years about how intense events follow me constantly.

I was raised Christian, and have been pretty liberal my whole life.  I have tried rejecting faith, a belief in God, a belief in Jesus, and belief in a ying and yang of good and evil.  I have tried ignoring the bad that is in the world, solely attempting to focus only on good.  I have tried to not believe in a higher power, and greater being of goodness that is greater than me and those around me.  I have tried to deny that there is evil in the universe.  But my life experiences have absolutely fought against my attempts of disbelief.  And I remain haunted by God, and haunted by something evil trying to bring Him and all that is good within the people I know, religious or not, down.

As a child and a teenager, I was neglected and abused by someone I love.  (For those of you who know me, please don't make assumptions about who this is or how I was abused because you are probably assuming false ideas and forming bad judgments of someone else who it is not your place to judge.)  I can't even count the amount of people I have known who have died.  I can't remember how many, and I can't remember how many funerals I have attended.  I grew up in another country and struggled with my national, racial, ethnic, and every other form of identity you can think of up through college.  Each year of my life, something mysterious and traumatic has happened to me from my room flooding and my computer crashing all in one night, losing almost everything I own to finding out a best friend of mine died right in the middle of a storm of chaos in my life.  
There has always been trauma, and there always will be trauma.  But what I KNOW at the ripe old age of 24, because of all of this trauma, is that I am powerful and strong and can always choose to do what is good and right in the face of pain and evil.  I always have a CHOICE to take the hard road, not complain, but be proactive to fight what is bad and turn the situation towards goodness.  I can never bring back my friends who have died, but I can have sincere compassion and love for those going through the loss of a loved one.  I could choose to be bitter and angry from all that has been taken from me in my life.  But what good is that?  What good comes from sitting around being bitter?
I am strong.  And I will fight to keep goodness in the world, even when I feel attacked.  I am not a victim.  I am an advocate for good, an advocate for those who feel voiceless or weak or at a low.

At this point in my life, I am beginning to believe that whatever is bad and hateful and evil in the world sees goodness and tries to bring it down.  Life is a ying and yang, a balance between up and down, good and bad, never perfectly one or the other, but the two always bouncing off of each other.  I am beginning to see how the analogy of battle and war can be applicable to a spiritual realm.  I am a peace loving woman, but I also am protective of those who need help, and when I see injustice, I need to take it on, battling with the most powerful sword, LOVE.  I feel that need to give those around me a voice when they feel muffled.  Perhaps it is because I felt muffled through many experiences in my life.  But whatever it is, I know I live to bring goodness and light and love into the lives of those around me.  I know I have goodness in me, and I believe that everyone has goodness within them too.  And sometimes we need one another to bring that goodness out and keep it thriving.

What I am getting to now is that I need your help.  I need you, my community of online friends, to speak up and have a voice against whatever is bad in the world.  Some of you are religious, some of you are atheist, some of you are somewhere in between.  And each of your voices are valid.  Each of you has goodness and strength within you.  And I really need you to pray, think good thoughts, hope, or do whatever you do to bring goodness and light to others.  I need compassion and love and encouragement.

Here is where I need your help:
Right now, the family I live with is seriously being beaten down by so much evil.  The building we live in is being attacked by something evil.  I have never wanted to believe in spiritual attack before.  I have always denied that concept.  But I feel it, sincerely.  And everyone in our building feels it too.  I live in an apartment with a family and one other lovely lady my age.  And in the apartment below us there are a few friends who occupy the space.  We are attempting to turn this building into an artist's community centered around spiritual discussion and a desire to bring a creative and loving presence into our community.  Every individual in this building is extremely good hearted, strong, creative, compassionate, spiritual, and has a history of a crazy tumultuous past.  We come from different background, and we are not all Christian.  Those who feel spiritual are all at different points in that journey.  But we are unified in loving and understanding one another.  Despite all of our difficult histories, we are all still kind and loving people and wish to bring love and kindness to others through our everyday lives, creative expressions in many forms of art, and in our work.  We are painters, designers, craftsmen, dancers, artists.  As a collective, we have something really beautiful to bring to not only our immediate community, but to the greater city of Seattle, to artists everywhere, to people everywhere.  We are a good thing rooted in love.
And we are seriously being torn and ripped and pushed and pulled by something really bad and evil in the air right now.  I don't know how to explain it.  It's like, something spiritual occupying our space is sneaking into our deepest selves and is attacking us each as individuals at the core of us, both trying to break us down as individuals and tear us apart as a community.  It is pulling to the surface our deepest hurts.  It is trying to make us irrupt with pain, attempting to make us feel sad and unsafe in our own home.  It is trying to stop goodness and community and love from happening.  It is real.  And it is frightening.

I felt so personally attacked by a friend I love the other day in this space and it just wiped me out and made me feel like complete sh*t.  I felt afraid to speak, I felt like I lost my voice.  But I fought against my fear and spoke.  Because I faced that deep fear, only goodness and healing came out of it and as of yesterday we feel more empowered and loving and stronger than before as friends, as women, and people with good things to say and do.  As soon as we felt reconciled, I immediately felt this overwhelming feeling of, Holy Sh*t something is trying to stop this artist's community from happening.  Something is trying to wreak havoc in our lives.  Somethings sees true and pure goodness here and is trying to bring it down.  I have never believed in something like this before, but god, when you are in the midst of it like we are, you can't not feel it. 

My friends, My home is under attack.  That is the only way I can describe it.  Each individual in this building is seriously being beaten down with their own personal pains and on top of it, as a community we are being beaten down.  Something sees a greater goodness and wants it to be stopped.  It doesn't matter if you are spiritual or not or believe in evil or not, but if you were here, you would recognize something is not right.  You would recognize how each person is being tormented.  And you would see the need to help.

As of the healing that came between my friend and I yesterday, I suddenly believe in my strength again.  I suddenly remember that I have a voice, and a loud and powerful one.  My past pains only give me strength to work harder to be a bringer of love and goodness.  And I feel ready and prepared as an individual to push out all that is bad and painful from our space.  But everyone in here is still being haunted by pain.  Their voices are being muffled.  My friend, K, is seriously being beaten down SO hard I have never seen turmoil like this.  One thing after the other, something bad is trying to break down every person in this home and I NEED you to pray for us.  I need you pray for our community.  I need you to pray for each person, that they feel ever more confident and alive in themselves because they have already experienced so much trauma and they have it in them to fight against whatever it is that is haunting them and tormenting them now.  I need you to believe in goodness in the world.  I need you to believe in healing for those around you.  I need you to pray for freedom from attack in my home.  Pray for justice for the voices that are being muffled.  Pray for peace and understanding between us all.  Pray for a bond that can only be more deeply solidified by having to go through a deep and painful struggle as a team, as a community, and a family of friends.

I hate having to see the little girls I live with having to be not only a witness to all of everyone's turmoil, but having to take on an emotional and spiritual burden of all of this trauma.  I hate whatever is trying to bring us down.  But I BELIEVE we can get through this.  I BELIEVE goodness overcomes evil.  I believe that everyone has the free will to choose to fight for love and peace WITH love and understanding.  Please please pray for us.  This time needs to pass us soon.

Thank you so much for reading this and for giving me a voice.  Thank you so much for your constant encouragement and love and understanding.  Thank you for listening to the goodness within you, even if you may feel afraid to sometimes.  You have a voice too.  And you have power to do good.
I felt knocked down, unable to focus on well on work, on my blog, on everything for a couple of days.  But I am back and recognize that whatever is bad is trying to pull me back from pursuing all that I love.  Because I see that, I am fighting against it by working hard, throwing love and passion into my relationships and my work.  I will power through.  I will overcome.  I will do good and do well.  And I want the same for those I live with and those of you out there too.  Pray for power rooted in love and sincerity.  Let's kick whatever is going down in my home in the ASS. 

I love you friends. <3

33 comments:

Heaven said...

Moorea, This is so intense. If you all truly feel that there is something attacking you as a community then it is so, and I believe you. And even though I don't know you I'll pray! That evil cloud is unacceptable, show it that it isn't welcome! Overwhelm yourselves with prayer, good vibes, positivity, so that it can't even stand to be there. Best of luck. You can all get through this! I pray that a calm, cleansing spirit will fill the house and give you all peace. You're all creative, you can do it!

becky said...

Praying for you and your collective, Moorea!

Allie said...

I'm here for you, my friend!

*Trisha* said...

Wow, I agree with Heaven, this is really intense. I appreciate you being open enough to share all of this with us. Heck yes, I'll be praying for you, the family you live with, and your community. There are definitely dark spirits trying to destroy the people doing good and spreading love. I hope that these attacks will backfire and only make all of you a stronger family. And, I will pray for peace amidst your torment--and that everything going on right now can and will be used for good... Something huge is going on around you right now. All of these struggles must mean that you and your family are trying to do something truly great. There would be no point to attack something that is going to amount to nothing, you know?

It's sad to hear that you're going through such a hard time right now. But, it's also super exciting to know that what you're trying to do could and will make a huge difference to the people living in your community.

*Trisha*

p.s. I love We<3It (:

kelly ann said...

This made me cry. Your honesty and openness is amazing, and I know by letting others know about this, and having that extra support and the extra prayers - it's going to help so much.

I've been praying so hard for you & your community, Moorea. Spiritual warfare is a frightening and terrifying experience... and you explained it perfectly. It's like a dark, vicious, and evil spirit just seeps in and find its home in the most emotional, broken parts of someone's heart. And it's not okay. I will continue to be on my knees for you as you guys fight this battle. Just please hold on and stay strong. I'm so glad you've found your voice, it's there and it can be heard... I hear you. You are such a talent and such an awesome individual with so much to give the world. Evil presences can, so much time of the time, be the hardest and most frightening towards creative individuals (and creative communities). It's so true. They love to torture the ones with dreams and ambitions of helping and contributing to the world. And most of all, they torture the ones who are rooted deep in love. I'm so glad you know that you CAN fight this... someday soon, healing & peace will find its way to you. I hope that your strength and your determination builds and builds until it spills over and that it inspires the others in the house to be strong, too. You guys can do this... I have deep, deep faith that you will. I pray that God restores your souls and heals your hearts. <3

We all love you and we have your back.

sarah jean, said...

sending love and prayers your way my dear. xo

shelikescherries said...

Hi Moorea,

I'm not religious, but I do believe in energy and in unseen things. Unfortunately I've seen so many bad things happening to good people and it makes truly mad. However, I believe that there is no evil that can last forever and I do believe love is still the most powerful force of all. You are an inspired person, a truly artist. You are kind and open and sensitive. I'm sure you can overcome whatever it is. Sending a mass of good vibes for you. xo, Viv.

Anonymous said...

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Cor 10:13

Gae Seal said...

"And the tempter came and said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.' But he answered, "It is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God." ' Then the devil took him to the holy city, and set him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to him, 'If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, "He will give his angels charge of you," and "On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone." ' Jesus said to him, 'Again it is written, "You shall not tempt the Lord your God." ' Again, the deveil took him to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and the glory of them; and he said to him, 'All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.' The Jesus said to him, 'Begone, Satan! for it is written, "You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve." ' Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and ministered to him." Matt 4:3-11

Womble said...

blessed be xXx

Heather said...

Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and your journey. I will keep you and your community in my prayers as you fight this evil.

Amy said...

I am a newcomer to your blog, and I am just blown away by the strength of this post! I love your courage, and I love your honesty here. This is something the blog world is missing--sincerity! And I commend you for speaking out. I know how it can feel to have this odd evil looming over you that you can't describe, and you can beat it!

I'd say to just remember each and every teeny tiny small thing that makes you and your community happy and emphasize/focus on those. Small things all add up to be great things!

I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my thoughts!

Anonymous said...

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you [the Lord];
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

"For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge."
Psalm 73:23-28

This is the only comfort I know. Praying for you.

Brigid said...

I'm saddened to hear about this Moorea. I'm sending healing thoughts and energy to you and your community. The negative energy in your life doesn't stand a chance against all of these positive thoughts! :-)
Brigid

anabela / fieldguided said...

You are such a good and kind person, Moorea. I don't mean for this to sound trite, but I am thinking of you and hoping you will get through this. xo

the_storie_goes_on said...

you all have my prayers!! Remember you are strong. the days you feel the most beaten are the days you fight the hardest.. with love, Anastasia

Anonymous said...

xoxox

jes said...

things like this (evil being everywhere) attacking the ones who are trying to seek him (him mean God) and do good for him has been happening everywhere keep strong will definitely keep you in my prayers. these couple of years have been hard great people are being attacked (spiritually) but i know for a fact that God wont give you anything you can't handle (example job, book in the bible, the devil tried to bring him down and tried to have job curse God for he lost everything his family his wealth but even in the mist of it he kept praising God and God blessed his more) so this is just a test and you will make it though the other side stronger.
much love and prayers

jes

Rita ♥ said...

I'm praying for you Moorea. God is good and he always listen to the ones who love Him, just trust!

sarah said...

thinking of you.
xoxo
sarah

Laura Belle said...

I completely know what you mean and I'm praying and thinking of you and your group of friends/family there in Seattle. Stay strong girl. Good will come from all this.

Molly said...

Thinking of you and those around you in need, Moorea. I'm thankful that you are able to share and allow yourself to feel the love come back from all of us. I hope you feel it because I know we're all sending it your way. xox

Lauren Calderon said...

This was so strong to read Moorea. Thank you for sharing this struggle with us all. I to know the power of good and evil. I know that when God brings his people together that the evil will soon creep in trying to break apart what he is trying to do create. Why would evil was goodness to prevail?

I will pray for you and your community. Be the strong voice and let others know that this will soon end. If you all come together you will all beat this and know that you did it with him on your side. I am sorry that you are going through this and I know the inner struggles of trying to face these demons and be the strong voice. I know I have never met you face to face, but even talking with you, I know how strong you are. I will pray for you.

<3

Carolina said...

This was a very intense read... I also am someone that feels something traumatic is frequently happening to. I think I understand from experience how you are possibly feeling based on what you have written. I truly feel for you and those around you and I hope and pray for the best results for all involved.

I understand when something of this nature is happening it is easy to view things as an absolute good or evil. Based on my experiences and hindsight I would advise trying to move past that. Even the ying and yang symbol, split into black and white, contains a small circle of its opposite. The words "good" and "evil" are very charged words, especially if used in absolutes. I'm not saying those absolutes don't exist, just to consider how you might be applying them and how that affects your approach to the situations?

I am struggling a bit to write this comment. Because I'm pretty sure I've felt the exact thing you are describing. Times of my life where it seemed the world (or God, or universal energy, whatever) was especially dumping it on me and those around me. I've been talking this over with my husband trying to figure out how to word this the best I can, and I hope this isn't coming across as negative or non-supportive of your situation. Because I mean neither. My husband is someone who I think has had an insanely positive life experience, where I feel mine has been a constant struggle. He has had negative and painful experiences, while I seem to have constant emotional and physical traumas while I constantly am trying to remain loving, kind, and strong. And it just doesn't seem fair, but then again why do we assume life should be?

Hopefully this comment doesn't come across as cynical. I guess all I'm trying to get to is that I don't doubt your feelings of something weighing in on you or the social dynamic around you. But that regardless of that I think one of the most helpful things to pull through it is to exercise prudence. A balance between the rational and the emotional. Easier said than done, but that would be my key advice based on similar experiences of my own. You are definitely in my thoughts and I apologize for writing such a long comment. I hope I didn't ramble or confuse.

You are one of my favorite bloggers by the way.

kirst said...

The strength and confidence you've shown by posting such a personal and sincere account of this time in your life, reaffirms me that you are an incredibly brave and sensitive soul, and these are the qualities that will get you through this difficult time and continue to help the others around you. I feel privileged to have read this, Moorea. Thank you, and Im sending my love from the other side of the world xo

Anonymous said...

Are we talking about spirits or just bad karma?

I thought your post was going to be about a more direct way to help you. What if I don't pray? What do you want me to do?

When I was trying to go to sleep last night... and I was slowly breathing in and out... I thought how can we all be breathing on this Earth and be such cruel people to one another? What are all of these "ideals" and "ways" we must do things? Why do we live like this?

shelbyisrad said...

Praying for you guys, this spiritual battle is real but you have many on your side

Michaela Monigatti Lake said...

Dude that was amazing. Lots of prayers going your way. Your courage really touched me, and made me think about the strength I have inside me as well. You are an amazing person, and whatever struggles God is giving you, He will pull you out of. He is making you a stronger person with sorrow. "Sorrow is the training ground for strong souls." Love and prayers and vibes going your way!

Rachel said...

you are in my thoughts and prayers...hugs! rachel

Becka Robinson said...

*hugs* thanks for being so candid. Good vibes coming your way! You've got an amazing online community backing you up. :)

Sarah said...

Moorea,

I don't say this lightly: I understand.

I have a beautiful group of friends whom I've loved and surrounded myself with for the past decade. Each of us are so different, but the two things that keep us tied together are our creative endeavors (music, art, etc) and our pasts. Each of us have a history that would make you cry, our shared existence rooted in our pain.

About a year ago something happened to my lovely family of friends. A darkness ascended and anyone who wasn't living it couldn't possibly comprehend what I mean by that. It was as if no one could find their footing, as if something or someone was manipulating everything and everyone around us. Some of the group turned on each other, some turned on themselves - there was no trust. This lasted for months.

It was hard to emerge from this. It was a conscious effort on everyone's part to look within themselves and within the group as a whole to move on, to fix, to recover. In the end we found our solution and abated our evil.

I have a faith and so I will pray for you, pray that everyone within your collective finds their voice. It's the feeling of powerlessness that overwhelms, that takes root. I will pray that your friends recognize the power they have and that the pain you've all felt will be the very force that helps overcome the trials which befall you now.

When my dad got diagnosed with cancer last year I wrote on my blog that I was having a hard time and feeling lost. You commented with your email address and told me if I needed someone to talk to to send you an email. I regret that I never did, because the more I read your blog (particularly posts like this one), the more I feel I should have reached out. So I'll do what you once did for me, and let you know that if you need someone to talk to, I am here: atlanticatlantis@gmail.com

Sending love and prayers,
Sarah

Anonymous said...

Even in a loving artists community full of people wanting to do creative lovely things... bad things will happen to bring people down. I truly hope that you guys get past this time... I've been through really really tough times with close friends before that seemed to come from nowhere but blaming it on an evil presence will not do as much as sitting down with each other (like you did with your friend) and saying "what is going on here? How can we adjust our community so that is works for everyone?" Clearly right now it isn't.

stephy said...

This is lovely! So glad you have this group of people to pray. I felt peace in your home yesterday. Yay!