12.4.11

Some Things You May Not know About Me...



The other day, Chelsea from Tea Talk emailed me asking if she could interview me for her blog.  I was so flattered and of course said yes :)  She is such a sweet girl and her blog is as equally sweet and lovely.  She asked some great questions about my blogging history, how I got into jewelry making, illustration, and design, and some other little fun life tid bits.  Head over to her blog to learn something about me that you may not know yet!

Ps, have you ever had a moment when see a photo of yourself and think, you know, this photo really really feels like me?  I have to take a bajillion photos to get one or two flattering photos of myself.  And even if I do get one or two photos of myself that are good, they still often feel like a glorification of me rather than effortlessly me.  I took this photo of myself yesterday while trying to photograph my outfit for a "What I Wore" post.  I got really frustrated really quick because I just wasn't in the mood to be taking photographs of myself, even though I felt like I needed to capture some shots while there was sunshine.  For a moment i just perched down to relax, ignoring the thought of "I need to get these photos."  I just sat there daydreaming and enjoying the warmth of the sun and it felt nice and peaceful and cozy.  I just sort of clicked the remote out of habit rather than thinking of capturing the moment but I did manage to capture myself in a state that felt really sincerely me.  Enjoying the comfort of the sun, the soft smooth feel of my new maxi skirt like a blanket wrapping me up, and lost in introspection and daydreams.  This photo really feels like me.  Not a fancy version of me.  Not a one fabulous shot out of a crap load of weird awkward ones.  Not a posed shot.  Just a really genuinely me moment.
When I saw it while uploading photos to my computer, it immediately reminded me of this photo of when I was probably about 3 or 4 years old, living in England:


Little squinty eyes.  I think my eyes are squinting half of the time they are open.  The sun has always felt incredibly bright to me.  I've been told people with pale colored eyes are more sensitive to the sun.  I don't know about that.  But I can tell you that in half of my dreams, I am hyper aware of the fact that I am either squinting because of how bright it is or I have my right eye closed because it is too bright.  Anyone who knows lots of stuff about dream interpretation want to give me the low down on why I have so many dreams where everything is too bright?

Anyway, perhaps it is the squinting eyes and the tall greenery in the background of both of these images that makes me connect the two.  But i think there is something more than those two connectors.
As i said a moment ago, I grew up in England.  I lived at the end of a little road in a tiny village of 400 people.  My dad was the village vicar (priest).  And 3/4 of my house were surrounded by fields.  this photo was taken in the fields.  I would spend so much time out alone in the fields, digging for ancient pieces of pottery buried in the earth and making up stories in my vivid imagination.  I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 6 and re-diagnosed at 17 just because I had never known I had ADD until my dad told me at age 17.  I remember a story of when I was 6, my teacher slowly had to move me closer and closer and closer to the front row of the classroom because I was always lost in my own world.  I have never been a disruptive student.  i've always been a very polite and respectful person.  But I have also always been lost in my own mind and for the most part, in an enjoyable way.  I am really content in my daydreams.  I feel most myself when I am alone and reflecting, ruminating.
As I look at the photo of myself at age 3 or 4, I can look at my younger myself and know that even though I am looking directly into the camera, my mind is just barely in the present.  I am happily looking at one of my parents taking the photo, but I am 80% in an imaginary world in my mind.  The same goes for the first image of me now.  I see the focus of my eyes and I know they are not looking at anything in particular but are actually bouncing inward, contemplating my interior world.  I see the slight hunch of my shoulders and know that that is how they look when I am really comortable.  My lips aren't straining to look happy.  They are just resting in their natural place.  I promise, the whole being constantly adventuring through my mind, in another internal world is not a self centered-ness.  I just have always been deeply involved in a world of the mind much more than the world outside of me.
Perhaps I can blame it on the ADD.  But, I am honestly really ok with my spacey, drifting mind.  it is what spurs my creativity.  When I had to take ADD meds for a brief time in high school to get my grades back on track while I was battling with depression, the ADD meds felt like they wiped my imagination clean and I couldn't access the parts of me that felt the most vivid and real.  I stopped ADD meds after a few months because they just worked too well.  My mind stopped spacing out, it could focus super well.  But I felt like a Zombie.  Having been unaware of the fact that I has ADD up until I was 17, and then suddenly altering my mind to that of someone without ADD, the medication just made me feel like I suddenly didn't have myself inside of myself.  Too weird. 

My mind feels like me.  Even if I have ADD, isn't that a good thing that my interior self feels fully me?  When I am on journeys through my interior world, I find the most beautiful things, comforting realizations, inspiration for things I can make, reminders of the incredibly capacity I have to love others and to feel their love and pain deeply.  I can't retain much information and have absolutely horrible short term memory.  But my mind makes up for it with creating elaborate ideas that I can possibly turn into innovative creations in jewelry, design, illustrations, music and ideas of how to speak kindness into other peoples' lives.

People often presume I am unhappy and pensive when I go into daydream mode, my lips naturally lay in a "Resting Bitch Face" stance.  But really, on the inside, I am at my most comfortable point, my most natural space.   I am in me, and I feel most real when I am wandering the caverns of my interior universe.  I look far away, but I feel most alive.  These photos are me.  I look look like I am somewhere else, but actually I am fully present in what feels real and most vivid to me.  My interior world is alive.  I am alive.  I am a super duper introverted, ADD brained, daydream loving lady with an incredibly passionate and loving soul.  My love is alive in me.  And I am happy to go visit it anytime it beckons.

24 comments:

CaL said...

I love that photo & how it captures you as "you." That's really rare & always so humbling. I'd love to hear more about this dream interpretation...I'm constantly squinting & having blue eyes I have been told that they are more sensitive to light also...hm. {early crows feet just accentuate the fact}

Liz said...

Oh my god. That baby photo of you is SO darling! I love this post. And you. And I can't wait to meet you next week eeeeeeeek! <3

Anita said...

What a beautiful picture, and a beautiful post. I am also a natural squinter and wear sunglasses even on overcast days because the sun bothers my light green eyes. AND I am super jealous of people who look good in every photo taken of them; I have to take 50 to get 1. Uggh! Daydreamers are the most creative, thoughtful and loving people! As one of your readers, I thank you for sharing a bit of that with us. Have a lovely day! xo, a.

San said...

I loved your story, Moorea. Being introverted is not as a bad thing as many people believe. I think you made a really good point.

Audry said...

Being introverted allows you the time to enjoy life. Not everyone allows themselves time to reflect, to imagine.

And as for the short term memory (because I too have a difficult time keeping everything in order) I make sure to write things down. Every evening I write a to do list on a post-it note. Otherwise I'll spend the next day feeling a bit lost.

Susanne said...

<3

benddownboutique said...

How insightful, I never realised how it was like for a ADD person till you just described.

I would love to just be able to free my mind like that, as an Autistic (personally) its not in my favour as much, I have an active imagination but sometimes its hard to capture it because its too much in my head at once lol.

Its nice to see someone using whatever they have and channeling it out instead of staying stigmatised. :)

Katrina said...

a really sweet post

katrina,xo

www.theyoungbridgetjones.blogspot.com

Diana said...

I was on Adderall for almost ten years and got off it in my mid-twenty's. It really makes you feel like a zombie and zaps your creativity, doesn't it?

Megan V said...

I loved reading this. And I only just really realized that I"m probably a LOT like that. I don't think I have ADD but am definitely in my own world in my head. It's a total gift to be able to look inside your mind and just enjoy your own world. I really like introspective alone time too and am always lost in my own thoughts. I have always believed it's a good thing :)

kelly ann said...

Man... I found myself resonating with so much of this. I've always been in my own little world, perfectly content in my imagination. Kelly Ann with her head in the clouds - that phrase has been uttered by many people, more than once. ;) And while I've always been an odd balance of introverted and REALLY extroverted - I find my introversion getting a little deeper the older I get. And I quite like it.

<3 I'm really glad we're friends.

Online Parenting Class said...

aaawww... i really enjoyed reading this<3

Marisa said...

That is a beautiful picture! You are so stunning its hard to imagine an unflattering picture of you but I do know how you feel. For me, it takes a lot of courage posting pictures of myself on my blog, not only because I am so insecure, but also because I feel like the blog world tends to be superficial a lot of the time. I also feel it's a way of growing and becoming more accepting of myself because I put myself out there like that. I'm glad you are happy with who you are, besides, day dreamers are always the best kind of people!

nataya said...

It's beautiful pic, I may don't know you personally but i it's a great capture. Soulful. And thankyou for sharing the story. I'm coping with 'blues' by my self. But it's motivated me to know that somebody who had this kind of experience can keep going, has love, joy and support.

Carolina said...

xoxo

Alli (One Pearl Button) said...

This post really hit me. I'm also extremely introverted and a serious daydreamer. There are occasionally days when I hardly communicate with anyone because I need to be lost in my thoughts. It's like a recovery mechanism. It sometimes makes me feel guilty for not being "present," but maybe I need to be easier on myself and simply be present in my own world.

Anyway, wonderful post! Both photos are lovely.

Marie Bee said...

so beautiful. introverted/shy/dreamer are all in the top adjectives to describe me, and i just understand this entire post so well. xo

Chelseabird said...

What an amazing post Moorea. I just love the comparison photos, and your sweet story. xoxo

Mish said...

I am not finished reading this post but wanted to say this before I forgot. I have light colored eyes and so do two (out of 3) of my kiddos. I have always been super sensitive to the sun and bright lights and squint. My kids too. Especially my son. The eye doctor recently told me that it is true that people with lighter colored eyes are more sensitive...Ok now back to reading the rest of the post :)

nova said...

I have a theory that we subconsciously make a kind of bitch-face when super deep in thought or in a quiet mood because it scares off potential interrupters.

Inge said...

Thank you for this post. I too am very introverted, feeling most at ease when I'm creating something with my hands, or taking a long walk, while exploring my inside world, or as you call it, interior universe. I like that phrase, because there really is so much to explore there and then bring into this world through our creations.
I too have the "Resting Bitch Face", and I like nova's theory about it!
Also, light blue eyes and in pain when I suddenly look at a clear sky and headaches if I forget my sunglasses even on an overcast days!

Jennifer M. said...

You know, actually, it doesn't sound like you have ADD. It sounds like you're just the INFp personality type. That's what I am, and I can definitely say your story reminds me a lot of myself. I've always been the daydreaming type, most content to stay in my own little world. I had trouble concentrating in school but I have always focused super well when working on something creative!

Katie said...

I ended up saying pretty much the exact same two sentences about my interview with Chelsea & didn't even realize! Maybe because our birthdays are just one day apart we have subconscious telepathic abilities?

Anastasia said...

Both of those pictures are beautiful and calming.