MY SMALL TOWN CHILDHOOD
I just discovered Hannah's blog Foxtail & Fern today and it immediately spun me into a nostalgic state, daydreaming and missing my earliest years in England and my later childhood in the mountains of Northern California. I constantly feel torn between a few different aesthetics, minimal & clean VS glamorous & glitzy VS rustic & cozy. And I think it all goes back to my childhood of growing up in very very small towns, a village of 400 people in England and then a town of 2,000 in Northern California.
When I was little, I always felt like I wanted to escape my cozy rustic surroundings for the glitz and glamor of the city. I wanted to experience something bigger and louder than what my small hometowns could provide. I felt kind of trapped in the small surroundings. But at the same time, I greatly appreciated growing up so immersed in nature and having the freedom to take life really slowly if I so chose. I could spend an entire summer by a river if I wanted to. I could go gold panning in a creek by my house, I could watch momma deer come home to the clearing behind our house to have their babies in the Spring. I loved when the power would go out for days at a time in the winter due to the snow and tree falls in the Winter. I loved the warmth of our wood stove and the fireplace. I felt safe wherever I went at whatever time of day or night. But I craved the drama and danger of the city.
I made my attempts to get away to the city once it was time for college. I had hoped to go to college in Chicago or Boston, but ended up having to go to school in Southern California for my first year. So Cal was not the type of city glamor I was interested in at all and I immediately began to realize all that I took for granted growing up in small towns in the woods of Nor Cal and on the rolling farmland of England. So for my second year of college I transferred up to Seattle, WA in hopes that it would satiate my need for a bit of city sparkle and a touch of a rustic woodsy vibe.
I've been in Seattle for 7 years now and though it does a great job of balancing my love of the city and the outdoors, I still don't feel committed to this place. I'm SO blessed to get to live inside of a thriving city and only 2 blocks away from a lake at the same time. But as each year turns with the onset of fall, I am reminded that my roots call me home. At the depth of me, I am a very introverted, peace and calm loving girl who loves the smell of wet pine trees as she steps out her door in the morning. I miss the loud chirping of crickets and frogs at night outside of my window that I don't get in the city. I miss seeing bright stars at night strewn across the sky. I miss the crackle of the wood stove and the fireplace. I miss chickens in the yard and the routines of taking care of animals and a garden. I miss cottages that are hundreds of years old, thatched roofs, and driving along dirt roads at night. I miss the feeling of small towns, the slow movement of places that don't even acknowledge the phrase "rat race."
I just got back from a 5 day trip to North Carolina with my boyfriend visiting his brother & his brother's fiance and cute puppy dog. That's why things were a bit quite on the blog for the past few days, I thought it was best to just leave the space quite as I myself took some time to be quiet and peaceful. Getting to take a few days to just rest, take naps, go slowly, read books, eat lots of yummy food, spend quality time with family & friends, and enjoy the green environment was so good for my soul. Listening to the loud crickets and frogs outside as I sat quietly and read or laid my head to rest was incredibly comforting. I think it all just reminded me of my past, my home, where I came from and what truly makes me feel alive and fulfilled beyond work and the vibrant beat of the city.
Someday, I will need to move back to a smaller town, perhaps even the little town in the woods that I grew up in in Northern California. There are lots of disadvantages to living in a small town when it comes to my work, less local supplies for jewelry making and less local events, but what is most important to me is feeling comfortable and cozy in my environment. And when my space feels full of life, the warmth and life of a small town as opposed to the buzz of a city, then I feel more inspired in what I do and who I am. It's not time for me yet to go back to a small town, but I crave it more and more everyday and I look forward to the day when I just know, it's time to go home.