Let's Get Real About Body Issues

I definitely was inspired while at TxSC to get back on top of doing outfit posts on my blog.  I'll be honest, these past few months I haven't been taking enough time to invest in myself.  I'm pretty low maintenance and I think these past few months, as I have been pouring my heart into getting our new site up and running, my low maintenance-ness dropped to a no maintenance level.  Let's get real, I used to shower everyday, but these last few months I was showering every 3-4 days simply to save time.  I don't think that to feel good or beautiful that you HAVE to wear make up or dress up everyday.  I personally don't care about dressing up for people around me, I don't really care about impressing people with how I look, I don't like taking time to do my hair, and I don't feel like I need to wear make up all the time.  BUT, I know myself well enough that the tactile motions that I go through everyday, the processes of investing in myself through actions, really are healthy for me.  I'm a pretty chill girl at heart but my laziness for self maintenance isn't a signifier of how casual or relaxed I am.  My bad habit of taking care of myself last after everything else feels taken care of is not good!

I have extremely high standards for myself with work and relationships, but after being very physically self critical as a teen and college student, I let that aspect of me go completely after about age 22.  To find a happy medium, I think when it comes to taking care of myself, I need to let myself feel inspired to live a healthy life and to take actions everyday that remind me that I am investing in me.  For me right now, I eat really well and know that sleep is essential in my happiness and self confidence.  But I think my next step in health is being ok with shooting for greatness in how I take care of myself and how I present myself to the world like how I feel inspired in my work and my relationships.

I had a really hard beginning of the year this year with my grandfather passing away, my mom getting breast cancer, and some other really hard personal things.  So I just threw myself into work and my personal relationships.  My self investment definitely dropped.  But now that our new store is launched, live, and going really well, and after getting some great inspiration at TxSC, I'm ready to get back on top of investing in me.  Physical investment in myself has always been the main thing I've slacked on in life.  It's one of the big reasons I started my Paint Your Love series.  When I started that series a few years ago, I also needed to learn emotional self investment on top of the need to physically invest in myself.  And through wonderful things like therapy, healing traumas from the past, getting closer with friends and family, and learning to take time each week to be alone, taking time to invest in me with actions, I learned and healed immensely.

I think because I grew up in a town where girls didn't really dress up or wear much make-up, and in college I'd get a lot of weird comments even from people I thought were friends on how I dressed up too much or dressed too outside of the box, I think somewhere inside I still feel guilty about physically investing in myself.  I never ever want to feel like a show off with how I dress, how my body looks, or how I do my make-up & hair.  Let's get vulnerable, when I was 16 I suddenly went from a size 28B bra to a 28DD, in one summer.  I was SO ashamed that summer and was ashamed and uncomfortable with my boobs as they grew and grew all the way up till I was 25.  When I was 20 at a size 28DDD, I begged and cried to my doctor that I just wanted a breast reduction.  I had so much back pain and shoulder pain from the weight on my tiny size 2 frame at the time.  But he told me that my boobs would keep growing and I had to wait until I was older than 25.  I was tired of hearing in high school and college that people called me "the artsy girl with big boobs" or "the weird girl with big boobs."  I just wanted to be known for my personality, my hard work, and my talents, not my physical make up.  Honestly, that feeling still haunts me and I still worry that people see my boobs before they fully see me.

I'll just go ahead and profess to the internet, I currently wear a 32G/H.  I do all that I can to mask the size of my boobs.  I'm embarrassed by their size, yet I want to take pride in who I am and all that I am, the internal and the external.  I feel like to combat being prideful about the size of my boobs that I need to be ashamed of them.  Because their size is so far out of the norm for someone who wears a size 6/7 in clothes, I fear looking like a gaudy porn star in my everyday life.  My good friends have always encouraged me to take pride in how my body simply is.  And I'm so grateful for their encouragement and all the times that have sat by me when I cried in shame over my boobs.  I have had plenty of really good hearted people try to make me feel better about my boobs through out the years but comments like "You have the dream woman body!  Show it off!" or "You have like a natural porn star body!" or "Any guy would die for you boobs!"  But I just feel really objectified by those sorts of comments.  The process of loving and accepting my body is not triggered by other people thinking it looks like some fake ideal of a body, that my body is a real representation of a dirty and shameful industry of entertainment.

I'm honestly a bit scared to put photos of me on my blog that show me with my shoulders back, wearing clothing that does reveal my curves.  I'm scared of negative or biting comments that women can say to each other when we see something different about someone else.  I'm scared of appearing like a show off OR appearing like I'm trying to get a pity party for something that I know a lot of people wish they had.  I don't want to be known as "Moorea with big boobs."  I just want to be Moorea.  But I can't live out of fear.  If there is one thing I know, it's that living your life in opposition to your fears is so boring and it creates an even more difficult and upsetting way of being.  The times I have chosen to stop worrying & just do, just be who I want to be, own who I am, and not worry about what may or may not happen as a result of my new ways are the times I have felt most alive and proud of myself.  That's a life I want to live, a life where I power through fear of the unknown and take action.  I can do it through my work, and I can do it in my relationships.  Now it's time to fully pursue that mission in how I view my body and how I invest in my body.

This is my post proclaiming my appreciation for all that I am, even the parts that I fear.  I don't want to live a life where I am scared of how people will react towards me.  I want to trust that even with whatever comments I may get about my body, good, uncomfortable, or just negative, that my trust in my own kind of beauty and self love will not waiver.  Ladies, and even you few gents, do you feel me?  We all have our own insecurities, even if we have to dig deep to find them.  I'm going to use my outfit posts as reasons to be confident in my body every time I post.  I want to use my outfit posts as reasons for me to hop in the shower everyday, put on make up every few days, actually do my hair every so often, and to wear all the clothes in my closet that I love and that make me feel proud of my body.

Are you inspired to do the same?  Let's own who we are and how our bodies are shaped right at this moment in time.  I don't have my ideal body and I never will be a size 2/4 with a 32 D bra size.  There is no chance that my boobs will suddenly shrink 5 sizes down.  And I decided a few years ago that I don't want to go through surgery to get a breast reduction.  So here we are body, it's time we become not just good buddies but best friends.  I want to fully accept my body as if it were the person I am in love with.  Shouldn't we all love ourselves as much as we love others, and yes even love our bodies as much as we love others?  Let's face our fears and just do something about our varying views of our bodies.  For me, I'm choosing to make outfit posts reasons to be proud of my shape, owning it, and loving it.  It's scary for me to say and I'm working to believe these words, but I have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to my body.  I eat well, I sleep well, I deserve treats sometimes, and I deserve to take time to exercise.  I believe in balance.  And if the result of a balanced life is this body, then ok.  This is me.  And I am well.

T-Shirt  //  Target
Skirt  //  Target
Clutch  //  by Marketa available in the Moorea Seal Store
Bracelets  //  c/o of Ruche
Shoes  //  Sven clogs
2 Necklaces  //  Moorea Seal Jewelry
Claw Necklace  //  c/o Roots & Feathers


eline said...

This is such an inspiring post. I wish I was able to deal with body image issues the way you do. On a more "shallow" side: I love your outfit! :D

thejewellerymaker said...

Thank you for sharing this! It is really devastating when people judge you by your looks, and usually the comments are hard. I guess one should just ignore them. But the truth is it is us that actually are the most cruel when judging ourselves. This post has really inspired me to try to accept myself... Though I can't say for sure I will succeed! :-p by the way, great blog! I've been reading your posts almost a year now, but I was too shy to say hi!!! :-)

Lauren Douglas said...

Thank you for posting this.
I wrote a long comment about how I feel ya, but I just don't know what to write that doesn't sound like I'm asking for a pity party.

Ashlee! said...

Beautiful words from a beautiful lady.

I think your goal is something that a lot of women (myself included) are trying to achieve. I wish you all the best!

Anonymous said...

We went to high school together, and never once did I think of you being defined by your boobs. In fact, I never noticed them. I always thought of you as the long-legged girl, and was jealous of that. I haven't seen you in real life for a very long while, but you obviously hide them well because it's not something I notice when I see pictures of you. I see a beautiful welcoming face with gad of gorgeous hair, tons of personality, and those great long legs.

Margie said...

I think you have a stunning figure-and I hate how some people tear others down to make themselves feel better :-/

Jenny Highsmith said...

That's exactly why I started doing outfit posts! I have never felt completely comfortable with my body and was in a really bad place with my self-esteem, so I challenged myself to do an outfit post once a week. And it really has helped me a lot in expressing myself, taking better care of myself, and being more confident. I love that you are doing this and I love your heart, Moorea! You are such a beautiful and inspiring person.

Tamber said...

Thanks for this post! I have the same feature of big boobs on a small frame, so I certainly feel your pain! (literally) I have been trying to embrace it lately...breast cancer runs in my family as well and I don't want to continue to put negative thoughts into them like I have in the past. Even though I have the same 'issue', as someone said above I never looked at pictures of you and noticed that. It's strange how we can immediately recognize the beauty in others, but oftentimes when we look at photos of ourselves all we see are the disproportions and imperfections.

Rebecca Bush said...

Right on! Thanks for being so frank about such a personal issue.

charity victoria said...

get it, girl. this is beautiful, honest, and so true. thanks for your vulnerability, we all need more of it! xo.

Roots and Feathers said...

I agree so much with Tamber... so easy to see things in ourselves as negative with others only see beauty. I do the same thing with my height and other things about my body. Throughout the years that I have known you online, never once did I see your boobs and think they were big. Ever. And even in these pictures here where you decidedly allowed them to not be constricted, you look amazing. I'm so glad you are getting back into investing in yourself this way. I did too start my outfit posts way back for very similar reasons. For me it was more of simply taking the time to take care of myself in this way b/c I work from home all day and could just live in pjs. I started to see how that made me feel about myself and I needed to change that. Doing my outfit posts has allowed me to get dressed up a couple of times a week and feel really good about myself, and also see my personal style reflected back to me. We hardly see ourselves throughout the day except an occassional glance in the mirror, so this helped with that alot. I love your bod, and I love your honesty. I should count the ways you have reminded me just this week that I love you to the moon and back!!!

Allison Boreen said...

You're so beautiful... inside and out. Thank you, so much, for being vulnerable. Every girl has insecurities and aches for someone to relate. You've inspired many with this post. Thank you, Moorea.

Liz Kantner said...

You're beautiful! Also, I don't see those necklaces on your site - where can I get them??

Faith said...

Thank you so much for this great and honest post. I really relate to everything you've said even though we have completely different body types. I've been very thin and petite my whole life and have always struggled with being an actual trigger to making other women hate their own bodies-- I hate it so, so, so much. Especially as a preacher of body confidence, self love, and fat acceptance, it totally brings me down that sometimes I'll go out with friends or just get stopped by some woman on the street that tells me "I hate my body, I would do anything to look like you". This past year I've tried really hard to get people to focus on things other than my smallness or thinness and like what you said, haven't really been appreciating myself. The result is me feeling pretty disconnected with my body-- on one hand I want to feel pretty and wear cute things, but on the other I don't want to feel like I'm being vain or attracting attention to my petite self and being a) vilified for it, or b) overly-praised for it which makes me feel entirely awkward because I haven't done anything to 'achieve' this body and was actually just born with it....

I'm so glad that this sort of commentary is becoming more the norm in the blogosphere because it's so important. We need to stop shaming all sorts of bodies whether someone has really big boobs, a giant belly, or long skinny legs and realize that we don't know that person's life and shouldn't judge them. I love that people are taking time to slowly love and appreciate themselves, while admitting up front that it IS a journey and that it will take time. Thanks for being brave and honest and sharing your story-- I'm sure that many other women will breathe a sigh of relief when they realize they're not the only one, OR they'll realize a new perspective that they never thought of before.


tasha said...

This is a beautiful post. I am glad you are very honest and open. That is one thing i loved when I meet you at TXSC earlier this month. Trust I know the story of going from A cup in middle to a full bounce C in 8th grade. All through high school I would try to cover up. I have always been slender with big boobs. People always assume my size 2 frame has fake boobs. I hated them for a long time. I really dont try to mask them anymore. I wear clothes that make me happy and comfortable. Thank you for sharing =)

miss alix said...

I am not usually particularly interested in outfit posts in general but I think all that you've written here is really important. It is important to care for yourself and you shouldn't feel ashamed for investing some time in yourself. Also, what you said about feeling objectified really resonated. Just because others might be trying to encourage you, you don't have to present yourself in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. But you certainly shouldn't be ashamed. It's important to not let social standards define you (even if it's really hard). You look beautiful and if you hadn't said anything I don't think I would have noticed your proportions at all.

Sarah said...

This is the best blog post I've read in a while anywhere. You're honesty and openness is inspiring. Thank you for sharing, you really are beautiful!

thedemuremuse.com said...

Thank you for posting such an honest entry, Moorea. I honestly think you are one of the most gorgeous women I've ever met-- both inside and out. There is definitely a point in time when everyone gets uncomfortable in their own skin and it's up to us to accept who we are and love ourselves for the very things that make us feel different.

Love you, girl!


Angela said...

Thank you for being this honest and awesome!

Nicole said...

I love how honest you are in this post. :)

I wanted to tell you that I met you at TxSC and saw you several times and didn't notice your boobs. I wouldn't have known if I wouldn't have read this post. I remember thinking how cool you were/are when I met you and how I immediately wanted to be your friend (not to sound creepy haha). I think that you are a very unique person with an awesome sense of humor and great style. I really saw you as "Moorea Seal" at the conference, not "Moorea with the boobs" and I'm sorry that people have made you feel that way in the past because that is very unfair and not considerate of your feelings. I definitely have insecurities too and so I know what you mean.

...I was that girl in high school that dressed up almost every day and got called out on it. I still try to dress up and fix my hair and I know some people have a problem with it and at times I think that I'm not going to any more, but I know that I don't do it because I want attention or because it makes me feel better about myself. I like doing it so I will continue to not based on what pleases other people. :)

By the way.. I love your outfit :) And keep doing the outfit posts :)

Nicole / www.theanchoredsoulblog.com

Adriana Madrigal said...

What a sweet & touching post. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. You are a beautiful person and such an inspiration! I can't say how much I love you + your work + your blog. You're not alone in your insecurities and I praise you so much for your strength.

Best wishes,

anamiblog said...

Dear Moorea,

i loved your post :) You should really shower every day - taking care of it means loving it, but most importantly you should really LOVE yourself! There's nothing wrong with you, your looks, honestly! I know it is always relative how we perceive ourselfs, most of the time it's way more different than what others think of us. I have certain issues with my body shape,too and keep promising myself that will do something about it, so I'm not the perfect person to give advise, however wishing you lots of love and growing confidence. Anami

Mandey Ejiasi said...

You are beautiful! No matter what size we all are, everyone has their own hang ups. To be honest, I've been following your blog for a while and I've never noticed your chest. I mean, not that I stare at boobs lol but you're so much more beautiful than measurements. Just remember that, numbers are just that-words. And you're more beautiful and important than a word or a number.

Stitchlaw said...

Dear Moorea,

Thanks for this post - we all have our personal bugaboos and I applaud your efforts to move past them. I will take this as inspiration to work on my own issues.

I will admit that since having a double mastectomy four years ago, I do notice other people's breasts more than I ever did before. I look at you and see someone with confidence and a great figure - nothing abnormal.

As I keep reminding myself - stand up straight, shoulders back and chin up!


L Sawyer said...

I loved this post! Your authenticity shines through and hits at the heart of internal mental yo-yo's many of us women experience.... just with different particular items. Plus, super cute stylish outfit!

Vanessa said...

You are so gorgeous, inside and out. I really appreciate your honesty and openness in this post.

Katrina Sophia said...

you look so great, i admire your honesty and courage. your figure is just amazing. i have to say that-

i love you!

The Young Bridget Jones

Chrystina said...

Hey Moorea. First of all, I want to tell you that when I met you at TXSC and found you after your Pinterest chat to ask a question, never did I once think about appearances, I thought to myself - this chick knows her stuff and is doing a great job presenting. Second of all, I know where you're coming from with that showering every three to four days and I kind of hate myself for it - but here I sit after 8 days with only 5 hours of sleep a night thinking do I *really* need to waste that time showering, there are a million other things I could be doing. I'll play along with you on this taking care of ourselves and taking pride in our bodies thing. You see, I'm Italian, and while I've always been a relatively smallish average size, I don't like to really show anything off or have my legs showing because I'm convinced that you can see it all the time no matter where you are. To each her own I guess.

Monique said...

I'm 6 feet tall. As far back as I remember I've been the tallest girl in all of my classes. I used to be very self conscious about my height despite other people telling me they wished they had my height. I used to only wear flats. I just wanted to blend in and be perceived as normal height. The funny thing is I'm normal height for my family (this is my secret mantra). Everyone is very tall even the women. It took some years but now I'll rock a pair of 6 inch heels with no insecurities. We all have our something but investing in yourself is important. I don't care who is watching I live for me and I dress for me.

cassie said...

I just have to say, when I kind of met/saw you at the Seattle blogger meetup thing, I totally didn't notice your gettas. They're lovely, but I definitely didn't notice.

abbycake said...

I'm 5'2" with 32DD breasts and I often feel awkward or objectified. I wear a size 4/6 and my boobs are often the subject of inappropriate or unwanted commentary. Anyway, I met you several times at TxSC and thought you always looked fabulous. You have a great body, love it!
xx Abby | a geek tragedy

Michelle Templeton Art said...

I loved this post. Thank you for your honesty. Whatever our size or shape it's really true that most of us are putting self-care last. Your post inspires me to rethink this and try to do more self-care. We are all worth our own love and attention!

Andrea Carpenter said...

when we met yesterday, the very first thing i noticed about you was your gorgeous smile, and then i admired your adorable outfit (i need those pants!), but you IMMEDIATELY won me over with your warm, fun and friendly personality. i instantly felt like we knew each other and were simply friends reuniting from not seeing each other in a while. even though we only knew each other through blogging, it didn't feel like one of those surreal "i know you online but it's weird meeting you in person" moments. it felt totally genuine and real.

but besides all of that i have to say that after reading this post it struck me that i didn't even notice your chest size at all. all i could see was this beautiful woman with the warm, outgoing soul. but body issues are something i know all too well. i know what it's like to be so extremely self conscious of my body or an aspect(s) of my body that, to me, are shameful, but to others might go unnoticed.

i absolutely adore this post and your candor. as i've gotten older my skin has gradually become more comfortable for me to live in. i still wish i could get back to my wedding weight, i still wish i could know what it would be like to fit into a size 25 jeans and wear a short dress without obsessing over what my thighs look like, but i'm also starting to accept my body for what it is rather than trying my damnedest to will it into "perfection". this post has lifted my spirits and made me even more encouraged to just accept my body for what it is along with continuing to be healthy and treat it with respect.

you've just given me yet another reason to admire and respect you. you are awesome and gorgeous and inspiring and i'm so glad i know you!


Kelly Zarb said...

Once again Moorea you have shown the female community out there to support one another and not judge one another for what you may or may not have.

Ladies stand up and be your true gorgeous selves flaunt it because we all have it!! Thank you again Moorea .

Kara said...

For what it's worth, I think you look absolutely perfect. I am a hippy lady and sometimes shy away from wearing things that accentuate the badonkadonk because honestly sometimes it feels vulgar to show it off! My husband and friends, of course, disagree. We are definitely our own worst enemies.

LorettaMay said...

Morea, what a beautifully vulnerable post! It pains me to read that you struggled with your appearance for so long but I'm so happy that you have embraced yourself. I too have struggled with my bodytype ever since I can remember. I watched my mom struggle for years, going through every dieting fad out there, but never able to escape her body type. We are short and squat with big hips, meaty calves, and no boobs. We're pear shaped.

I, like you, was very low maintenance. I did put on a little blush and eyeliner, but I hated doing my hair, I hated having to cook anything that took more than 5 minutes to make, and exercise was a curse word. All I wanted to do was work. And up until I met my amazing boyfriend 3 years ago, that's all I did. I sat at home, ate quesadillas and worked for 14+ hours on the computer and I thought I was happy.

At my heaviest back in February, I had a photo taken of me and was shocked to see how fat my face had gotten. I had come to realize that I was the same jean size as my mom was when she was in her 30s. I knew something had to change.

I started weight watchers, got a gym membership, and permanently changed my breakfast and lunch to fruits and veggies, rather than dairy and carbs. I've lost 15 lb so far and am back at the weight I was 3 years ago. I still have about 10 lb to lose before I think I can be satisfied, but I'm proud of my progress.

And once I figured out that my mom already knew the best types of clothing that complemented our bodytype best, I had an easier time finding the right clothing.

I realized that though I can't grow bigger boobs to balance out my hips, and I'll never have long beautiful legs, but I can control my weight by eating better and exercising.

Really great post!

Marlene Escalera said...

YOU ARE THE BEST! I didn't think I could love your blog more but I do now. I am a low maintenance gal who fears dressing up sometimes (along with a million other insecurities) because it may be to much. You have inspired me to revisit/redo my closet and get this body of mine in some clothes I probably wouldn't wear.

Thank you for being super rad and honest!!!!

Angie Bailey said...

You are gorgeous, and I think you see yourself in a different light!!! Your chest, in my opinion, does not seem that "out there". I've seen ladies with chests that take up your whole attention, and yes, they normally do extremely flaunt that, which I don't see as a bad thing. But, what I am saying is, I know the feeling. I would say I am a natural 38D, but my last bra, a 38D... doesn't fit. So I am guessing I am even bigger now! I don't feel particularly self conscious most of the time, but I do have times when I do. I don't like showing off my body, as in, lots of flesh or super sexy styles. For me, this is because I am married. I don't believe in anyone being slutty, as I don't see slutty as a real thing. We all have our styles, our ways of dressing, and none of them are bad!

However, I do prefer, for me, being more covered up. I have almost a fear of people finding me attractive, which may just be my OCD, I don't know. I don't mind drawing some attention to myself, such as with a killer outfit or pretty make-up or a kick ass accessory. But, on the other hand, when my hair was dyed blue - which I loved - I constantly felt as if people were staring at me. I don't know why I was bothered, but I was. Bein' honest!

I think, about my natural body, I am most self conscious about my teeth (dentures, and ill fitting) and my acne. But most of the time, I love my body, and myself. I don't think that's egotistical, I think it's healthy. :)

You rock for posting this. <3

Steph MacDonald said...

I know this post is about a month old, but I'm just catching up. You are beautiful...and your boobs don't have anything to do with it. :) Let me just say that you're not alone in feeling ashamed of your boobs. I was completely embarrassed by mine from the moment they sprouted in grade 7. I'm normally a size 10, 5'7", 160 lbs, and I wear a 34F bra. So I'm not a waif, but my breasts are extremely prominent. It's not as nice as the small-breasted women would like to think. The only time I really want to cry about my boobs is when I'm shopping and there are so many beautiful clothes that look 'trashy' on me that would be really elegant on a woman with smaller breasts. My short waist doesn't help! That means no pencil skirts with tops tucked in, no maxi dresses that require no bra/strapless bra, no cute dresses or tops with those cut-outs in the back....It's hard not to start defining ourselves by how our clothes show or don't show our bodies. I sometimes feel like my body is my enemy in trying to find my sense of self and style.

Anyway, I love your style and wish I had the creativity to put cool outfits together that look so effortless. Your jewelry is beautiful!

jen w. c. said...

Thank you for talk about this -- I know how hard it is. I have a similar issue with my breasts/body (I am also a 32G and a size 6). I'm only 5'3" so really, my breasts take up most of my torso and are definitely the first thing people notice about me. I've worked hard over the years not to look "porny" or overly curvy -- I even went through a phase in college of dressing like a stereotypical male college professor (think slacks, sweater vests, and blazers) just so people would take me seriously. I'm also a natural blonde and from California, and yes, people put all of these things together at first glance and assume I'm a bimbo (especially now that I live on the East Coast). I would love to feel more comfortable in my body and wear flattering clothes. My husband is always telling me how great I look when I wear a fitted shirt, but then when I step outside I feel so vulnerable! So thank you for posting this. I'm inspired and I want to push myself to wear the clothes I want and allow looking good to make me feel good, not insecure.