29.1.14

Well. I'm Mortified So Why Not Be Honest...

Well CRAP.

Here's the deal.  This year, I had the secret goal to keep a separate SECRET and PRIVATE blog in which I would write a sweet love note to my boyfriend every day to then surprise him with at Christmas at the end of the year.  Pretty cute and thoughtful and romantic right?
...And then earlier tonight I managed to accidentally PUBLISH one of my love notes on my public blog, the blog I write on weekly, the one with thousands of followers, the one that is set up in RSS feeds all over the place, the one I use for business.  Oh yea, that's this blog.  And did I happen to publish the ONLY love note so far that I had written that mentions sex to my public blog?
Oh yes, yes I did.  What a genius < note my heavy sarcasm here.

GIANT FACE PALM.

Did I just spend the last hour crying because I am incredibly embarrassed that this love note is now public and stuck in RSS feeds of my peers, friends, friends of friends, strangers, followers, customers and more?  Why yes, yes I did.

Did I just spend the last hour crying because I needed to explain to my boyfriend why I was crying out of nowhere with my head in hands, after having such a sweet and romantic date night with him?  Yes.  Did I need to explain that I had this grand and romantic plan of writing a love note everyday to him SECRETLY that I would do all year long but I now just accidentally publish publicly the ONLY love note so far that I had written that referenced sex on my one and only blog I use for my brand?  Why yes, I did do that and yes I needed to explain to him why I was so upset.

Did I just spend the last hour desperately searching the internet for a quick remedy to erase my love note from all trace of the web, from my blog, from RSS feeds on computers and phones and ipads?  Yes.  Did I find a way?  Nope.

Did I frantically and stupidly delete the post from my blog so that I now can't recover it and can't edit it so that at the very least, the post stays live but the content gets edited and therefore the content changes on all RSS feeds?  Yep.  Good job self.  I now can't delete that effing post from any RSS feeds.  Nice.

Screw it.  Here's the most graceful way I can deal with this.  Be real and address the elephant in the room.

So you are welcome internet.  It's now written in stone for all to see:
1.  I love my boyfriend of 4 years so incredibly deeply it's disgusting and I want to shower him with words that remind him of how much I appreciate him, respect him, admire him, and adore him.
2.  Our 4 year anniversary is in a week and I am even more madly in love with him than all the times I thought I was the most madly in love with him.
3.  We have lived together for almost a year and a half, we never fight, we work hard to keep our relationship balanced, healthy, and filled with kindness, understanding, support, love, and joy.
4.  When we first dated long distance for 8 months, we kept a private blog where we wrote each other love notes and boring notes, all of the notes.  And those are written and contemplative words I will cherish forever.  So, welcome to one note of my private life.
5.  No you shall not be reading any more of my PRIVATE love notes because really you'll barf from the cute-ness of it all, not because there is anything spicy in there.  The one I accidentally published tonight is as spicy as my love notes get, sorry to disappoint.
6.  Guess what, we have sex like most people do after being devoted to each other for many years.  So there ya go, that explains my small reference to sex in my openly published love note.


Well, now that I have vented and stopped crying from extreme embarrassment, I've said the word sex on the blog, I've told the internet, hey shocking, I'm 27 and I have sex with my boyfriend of 4 years, here's the last thing I have to say:  I'm not embarrassed that I have sex with the person I am devoted to for life.  I'm annoyed that my private life was accidentally barfed onto my blog with one simple click when I am usually SUPER cautious with what I post and I'm completely sober.  ugh, face palm again.

Long winded freak out with tears turned statement of the facts of life shall now end.

Thanks for not making me feel more crappy than I already do in this situation.  Your humor and kindness always helps ease embarrassing and difficult moments like this.
Love, Moorea

40 comments:

  1. Oh bless you. So easily done. Try not to be embarrassed, have a little laugh and move on! I was pretty shocked when the original post came up in my Feedly but when I saw this one I had a little snigger and HAD to comment. You're okay, we all still HEART you!!

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  2. Aw lady! <3 Don't be embarrassed. I know this is your more professional blog, etc. however I think it's super sweet that you write him love letters via blog posts. Sex is seriously *amazing*, and I don't think anyone would disagree! I didn't read the note myself, however I can truly say if my mother-in-law didn't read my blog, I would definitely talk about sex more often - it's a favorite subject of mine in fact. Despite the fact that it's not the most important part of a relationship.

    All you did with a little slip is prove that a. you're human (or some other creature who can make a mistake every now and then!), b. that you're super sweet to your guy and c. that, like you said - gasp - you have sex with him! ;) Don't be embarrassed, don't cry! Love ya!

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  3. Lowri Roberts-DrakleyJanuary 29, 2014 at 2:47 AM

    To have met the person you love this much is something to treasure. Sometimes social media has a flip side, if I thought of private emails I've sent to my boyfriend being made public I'd be mortified too. Just think Moorea anyone whose loving, passionate and romatic will understand. So no more upset, you are ace girl! :-)

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  4. oh dear your a real human being!!!! All i can read is that sex was a way better choice, which i agree with and will take this advice more often myself!

    breathe and feel better!

    Barnicles

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  5. If anything, you made this young mama smile when she was up with a cute crying baby in the middle of the night. I guessed that it was a mistake when you posted it but I couldn't help but say a little "amen" ;) That is the sweetest Christmas present for your man and I hope you still follow through with it, secret or not. You are wonderful.

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  6. Yay for honesty, yay for mistakes, and yay for sex. When I first saw the post on Feedly, I thought 'wow, you go girl' followed by 'I hope she made time for drinks too'. Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick and pick yourself up. Looking forward to the next 52 list.

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  7. Hi! Longtime reader & first time commenter. This only reaffirms why you're one of my VERY favorite bloggers. Hats off to you for dealing with an embarrassing moment with total grace, humor and charm and here's to many more years of love, romance and, indeed, sexing. GET IT GURRL, xx Liz

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  8. Honestly, anyone who has blogged for any number of years usually has posted something embarrassing at least once! I'm sorry that you had the misfortune of sharing something so private, but there is absolutely nothing to be upset about in the grand scheme of things. If anything, we definitely feel like we know you better. And it drew me out of lurking to finally comment, so there's that ;)

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  9. I honestly just read that post and thought it was a good encouragement for all of us to keep our priorities straight haha. I hope all of your readers are adults and that you're met with nothing but encouragement and understanding that sometimes you just press the wrong button. You've been open and honest in your public posts about a lot in your life, so this was just the next step, right? :)

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  10. As much as I can relate to the "Oh crap, what did I just do feeling," there are much worst things you could have accidentally shared. You were shouting your love from an online rooftop, even if it was intended to be a whisper. If anything this will be a cute story to tell your grandkids. xx

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  11. I'm sorry, but this is wonderfully hilarious! I feel your pain, and embarrassment, I really do, but this just makes you all the more endearing as a person and blogger. I'm gunna go buy something from your shop as an attempt to make you feel better. Haha. Keep smiling lovely!

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  12. I am so sorry for you girl I know that must suck, but people will forget in a few hours and I think your relationship is sweet and yours alone :)

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  13. lady, i feel your pain! i didn't read the note, but i bet that people out there will forget quickly and respect you and your relationship all the more for it! :)

    ladies in navy

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  14. I think you handled it in the best possible way - by being open and honest about it. It will, hopefully, make you feel better! But try not to be too hard on yourself - you could have published something waaaaay worse. And now we can all gush about how sweet and thoughtful you are - and how lucky your boyfriend is to have you in his life!

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  15. HI there! I am a sexuality educator who works primarily with adults. While I recognize the embarrassment is not just because of the mention of sex but also because you shared something that was very personal and emotionally intimate, I want to thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your "mistake" with us. I think it is fantastic that you are writing your partner these letters (and I hope you continue to do so even though it won't be a surprise!) and including mention of your sex life.

    I love reading these kind of fashion/lifestyle blogs (or however your characterize yours), and I do understand in this case that this blog has a evolved to become more business/professional rather than personal, but in general I wish more bloggers would include discussions of sex and sexuality. Especially since so many blogs out there are run by women and the silence and shame around sex is especially harmful to them. Sex is a natural, biological need, yet as a society we become paralyzed at the mere mention of it outside of expected spaces. How crazy would that be if we felt this way about eating or sleeping? We experience so much fear and shame because our society tells us we should - why? The silence around the issue fuels deeper societal problems such as rape culture, sexual harassment, and impedes women's access to reproductive medical care. It is what enables us to simultaneously call men studs while calling women sluts. It is what prevents us from having the best possible sex lives because we are scared to ask for what we want in bed.

    I think part of the reason is that many of us do not know how to talk about sex in a way that isn't graphic. However, from what I could see of the post (which was not much) you achieved this. You didn't go into a lot of detail but you basically said "hey. we had sex, and it was awesome. I enjoy having sex with you."
    I realize this is getting tangential, but here are some areas I think could be addressed by more bloggers:
    -How one finds time to have sex with ones partner balancing kids, businesses, etc.
    -A DIY on how to hide your "marital aids" from your kids
    -How having a baby changed my sex life
    -How having a miscarriage changed my sex life
    -How cancer has impacted my sex life (FYI - chemo can impact sexual desire, can cause vaginal dryness, and pelvic pain. Sliquid Satin is an excellent vaginal moisturizer that is glycerin and paraben free so it is not harsh on the tissue and won't cause any yeast infections. Silicone lubes are great for sex play because they sit on the skins surface so they stay slick for a long time).


    Thank you for this post.


    Best,

    Alicia

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  16. Were you in the room at Alt, when Jordan from Oh Happy Day, shared her embarrassing cowboy/penis cut-out story? Your 'giant face palm' reminded me of it. :) Overall, what an amazing gesture toward your boyfriend, foremost, and a second to us, to be honest and open. Love terrifies me...but I think, love notes are adorable!

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  17. We're all human and we all make mistakes. Though I know it doesn't solve the brief embarrassment, I think that you've handled this situation with flying colors. I personally love the sweet idea of writing love notes to your boyfriend for the entire year. I think it's so thoughtful and wonderful. It's hard sometimes whenever intimate and personal life things accidentally cross over into a public forum, but if anything it just reminds us all that everyone has a life outside of their public blog (where sex happens and is healthy and awesome). Once again, I think you've handled the situation with as much grace and class as humanly possible. You rock, lady.

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  18. hmmm.... I thought I was subscribed via email to all your published posts... but didn't get it. too bad.. ( just kidding, you know)

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  19. oh.. and here is the big PS . I am 45 now and the best part about getting older is nothing embarrasses me anymore. Of course, I embarrass my kids and husband constantly, but I am happy and sane

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  20. I really really feel for you but to me, that makes you all the more real and lovable. You have every reason to be proud of yourself and the way you are reaching out and supporting others with your words and your example and nothing can Change that. And, sex is wonderful. Big hugs and a big thank you for being there! xo

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  21. I can understand your embarrassment because you seem like a pretty private person (long time reader, here) but if anything you just made lots of people jealous that your long and happy relationship still includes spontaneous sex.

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  22. I get being embarrassed, but it ain't no thang. There's no shame in loving your boyfriend and writing him love notes or talking about having sex. Accidentally publishing something private happens a lot and it's just too bad you have thousands of followers to pick up on your little mishap :) Sending positive vibes at you.

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  23. OH MY Goddess ... you have sex!!!! You make mistakes?! you are human too?!!?

    So relieved to know.

    seriously ... I would have done the same thing ... had the complete breakdown, crying, mortified embarrassment. But of course, you know this already ... there is something wonderfully magical about messing up, owning it, and pouring a heck of a lot of grace all over it.

    I think people are longing to know that others are real just like them. I know I am ... real ... and longing to know the same.

    Much love,

    Cynthia Lee

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  24. Aw Friend!!! I can understand why you're embarrassed, but you're so awesome and you're love is the cutest. Congrats on being in a happy and healthy relationship! and for being so ding dang romantic. love it (and you). :)

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  25. We have ALL made super embarrassing public mistakes in our lives. If anyone shames you or gives you a hard time about this, they obviously haven't had theirs yet. Try not to think about it. We all still think you're pretty great.

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  26. Oh Moorea, I feel for you. We all have those horrific and embarrassing moments but when you feel as if it can't be easily forgotten or erased that's hard. At least the reason it happened is because you were doing just about the sweetest thing-professing your love. Is it too soon for the up side? You have a killer story for next year at ALT about blogging fails (I can't remember what they titled that bit).

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  27. I wish more people made mistakes like this. You're human, sex is awesome and I love seeing this more personal side of you.

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  28. Girl, IT IS SO OK. I haven't gone back & looked for it in my RSS because even though you made this public post about it, it's still a private note, & there's no reason for me to go poking around there. BUT, I think it's actually A) sort of nice to see people so in love & so open about it, & B) NOT A BIG DEAL because sex is a thing that adults who love each other do, & that's how life works, & it's all right. You handled this gracefully, & anyone who would give you shit about it is a jerk.

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  29. Michelle | CreatureType.comJanuary 29, 2014 at 8:15 PM

    Hahaha, awwww, it's so wrong to laugh, but you are too cute! That's a horrifying mistake to make, but you are one beloved lady and I guarantee the worst thing to actually happen was that the surprise was spoiled for your bf. <3 You guys are super lucky to have each other and I hope you have awesome sex all the time ;)

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  30. I didn't see it and not planning on looking. Sort it happened but worse things will happen in life. I'm really happy to hear you are so in love. Its beautiful. Try to move on....quickly. It ain't that bad.

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  31. OMG girl, I'm so sorry! Mostly sorry for that internal feeling you accidentally inflicted onto yourself! There's nothing worse than mortifying yourself and knowing you have no one to blame. Your readers do love you though and the fact you just wrote that sweet note of apology and embarrassment just means your as human as the rest of us. Love that you love love & your bf is a lucky guy.
    xoMorgann
    www.glitterinthegrey.com
    p.s. I'd never heard of alt summit before this week and now I'm seeing a ton of bloggers I really admire went! I want to go next year!

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  32. Emily Wehrly JeffordsJanuary 29, 2014 at 9:25 PM

    First of all, I know a love letter may not really be "on-brand" and you were certainly not working yourself up mentally and emotionally to share these deep feeling with the world... but love and joy and commitment are beautiful things. Don't feel bad or embarrassed. We're happy to know that you're happy!

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  33. So the part that stuck with me the post after reading this post is that you have an AWESOME relationship, which I admire whole-heartedly. It might not have been the best way to share that with the internet, but it was nice to read about an awesome relationship. As somebody who hasn't really seen too many things work out longterm, I always love a little insight into how good things can be. Also, I think the fact that you two once shared a blog is incredible and makes me smile (and gives me a few ideas for my own life as I'm starting up something new right now). And as for the sex thing? Just another detail of life, making up a way bigger picture.

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  34. I'm just one person and it probably doesn't even matter, but just wanted to tell you that I didn't see the post. And it didn't come to my email feed. But I get the feeling. But maybe it makes it a little better that not everybody saw it, just some ppl :)

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  35. Ariel Shannon CohenJanuary 30, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    GIRL! That blows, no two ways around it. I'm sure someone has had this same experience in a literal nightmare. I saw this post before the post in question, so I just went back to it in my reader and deleted it, sight unseen. No-brainer. I'm sure lots of other folks did, too. Since you can't edit it now, it was really smart and level-headed and badass to throw this (very eloquent) explanation up on the blog as quickly as you did. Glad to see you're forgiving yourself for making just one silly mistake and finding the humor in it while moving on to business as usual.

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  36. I can definitely see how this would be embarrassing but I think your followers love you move for it in the end! A cute note to your lover! besides... sex: everybody's doin it!

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  37. Holy shizzle! Late to this party and just reading your blog now (fellow ALT attendee in the house! Whoot whoot!) and though I did NOT see the letter, I am reading your follow up and can feel for you. I am glad that everyone came out to support you and that you could see the beauty of this mishap. Makes you even more endearing. Keep smiling. PS- nothing like sex w/ the one you love! You go, girl!

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  38. Babe, all you have talked about is real life and a good 'real life' at that. Being embarrassed is fine, being proud should be more like it though. You have created a life that you both love and there is no shame in that. xoxo

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  39. i just wanna say that you are incredibly courageous and brave. you are handling this with so much grace and dignity and if anyone looks down on you for being you then they've obviously got some serious issues that they need to work through. you, my dear, are amazing. don't change a thing. XOXO,
    andrea

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  40. wheres the link to the note :) just kidding! glad you have such a rockin relationship!

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