Well guys, its been about a year since I last posted on this year old blog. In that time, SO much has happened! My business has literally doubled in size in every way possible. We had jumped through any hurdles with grace and have seen amazing successes in our journey so far. My personal life has morphed and changed with every high and low imaginable. From heartbreaking losses in my family to incredible gains like getting engaged this February to my boyfriend of 5 years and getting a sweet puppy named Clementine that sometimes goes by the nickname Lemon. With every low comes an equal high, I am finding more and more as I get older. And I miss sharing those moments here with any of you reading.
Lately, I've found myself missing having a space to just document my life and the crazy things that happen all the time. With great successes come great criticisms, some valid and some not, and after reading some negative comments made by women who don't know me last year on the web, criticizing every single minute detail about me, my personal life, my business, my choices, how I look and dress, who I love, you name it... woah, it felt like a pretty solid verbal beating. To get real honest, as someone who experienced some verbal and emotional abuse as a child, I think it really triggered an extra layer of hurt in me that took a long time to recover from. I definitely had a huge bought with depression last summer and feelings of isolation set in for a solid four months. If there is one thing I want to do in this world, it is to empower and encourage girls and women, especially women and kids who have been hurt really badly in their lives. And I think letting myself be very vulnerable and honest online with a good intention of loving others and myself well for around 6 years, to then find pages of hate written about me was needless to say, overwhelming.
I decided at that time to stop personal blogging. Well, I don't know if I really decided or I was just scared to say another word on my blog for fear of random people in the world saying something crappy about me. I deeply value constructive criticism. If you've spent a few years in school for art, you know constructive criticism is what makes you strong, more thoughtful, and helps shape you to create better things with a clearer perspective. What I read about myself online was not constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is said to your face, not behind your back with an added layer of anonymity from the critics themselves. I felt silenced. And I don't think anyone was particularly look to silence me, it was all written on a site I maybe had let myself look at once or twice. But boy did I learn quickly that that space is somewhere I will never go back again. I'll never let anyone's judgement of me make me stop talking or sharing the things I think are most essential to me. I had a year to think and be quiet, to reflect and understand why I wrote on my blog for 5/6+ years in the first place, why I needed to write in a public sphere, and why I still miss utilizing this space for the benefit of myself and others. Lordy, I ruminated on a LOT of things in the last year, and feeling like I lost this space was a big whammy to my ego. But I'm back now to say, this is my little tiny chunk of the internet, a space for me to be truthful and honest, caring and compassionate, proud and strong, thoughtful and genuine, and tough and mighty. I write here because it brings good into my own life and for sure at least some others. I've developed incredible friendships and bonds because of this space, gotten to mentor young women who I admire just as much as they admire me, I'v learned and grown in leaps and bounds because of the journey of blogging in the last 6 years and I believe I have a right to keep talking. And if ya don't dig it, don't read it. It's as simple as that and easy to do.
I want to revamp this space and shape it into a reflection of who I am now a year later. My focuses in life are still exactly the same, but each lesson I've learned in the last year have given me new insight to the life I'm living and the life I want to live, and I want to share! So here I am, friends and critics. I'm back, my voice is here and stronger than ever, and I'm ready to kick some ass when needed, take some names, throw down some compassion most importantly, and share peeks into the wacky journey that is my life. Buckle up kids, let's do this.